What Your Cell Phone Says About You

Everyone has a cell phone these days. Our lives depend on the information stored and accessed by our handy little pocket communication devices, but not all cell phones are created equal. You can tell a lot about someone by the type of cell phone they use, but sometimes the impression you think you’re making isn’t always the one that’s received. Here’s what your cell phone really says about you:

Flip Phone

What You Think It Says: 

I’m a busy, productive person. I have small pockets and an even smaller attention span, so I don’t need any bells and whistles on my phone. Email? Apps? More than two colors on the screen? That stuff’s for nerds! All I need is my phone numbers, a cool, pre-loaded fish background picture, and the ability to look awesome when I answer a call by flipping my badass flip phone open.

What It Really Says:

I am completely unaware that cell phone companies will give you a free phone upgrade every year. Also, I’m probably a drug dealer.

Nokia Brick Phone

What You Think It Says:

I do some crazy stuff, man. I’m active and adventurous, and I need a phone that can keep up with me. I can drop my Nokia brick phone on the ground, throw it across the room, or even use it to break a window and steal a baby out of a car if I have to. My phone is just like me: indestructible!

What It Really Says:

It’s 2004, right?

iPhone

What You Think It Says:

I am on the forefront of technology. iPhones are the most advanced smart phones on the market, and it’s important for me to be a part of the movement toward the future of communication. I’m also suffering from a crippling addiction to Angry Birds.

What It Really Says:

I am a socially inept person, so having a phone with a million different ways to waste time is a godsend for me. Instead of just looking like a loser in a bar, I can look like a loser who may or may not be sending an important email in a bar!

Blackberry

What You Think It Says: 

I’m a business-minded person. I don’t need all the bullshit that some of those other smart phones have on them. My phone is for communication, not entertainment. All I need is my numbers, my texts, and my facebook and twitter. Games are for babies! Except for Brick Breaker. I freakin’ love that game.

What It Really Says:

I get confused by touchscreens, but tracking balls? I can finger balls all day!

Droid

What You Think It Says:

I don’t buy in to hype. I’m not gonna run out and stand in line for 9 hours to get a ridiculously over-priced iPhone just because everyone else has an iPhone and if I don’t have one people will think I’m not cool. Instead, I choose to spend my hard-earned money on the right smart phone: The Droid. It does everything that an iPhone does (except better), and best of all: I’m not locked in to AT&T like all the stupid iPhone users out there. I can choose whatever carrier I want. Now that’s smart.

What It Really Says:

Two Droids for sixty bucks at Walmart. Need I say more?

Watch Phone

What You Think It Says:

I’m a secret agent!

What It Really Says:

I’m definitely a secret agent!

Zach Morris Phone

What You Think It Says:

I am the coolest guy at this 80’s costume party.

What It Really Says:

Look at me! Look at me! I’m so hilarious and ironic! Remember these phones? Remember how big and clunky they were?! Well, I managed to find one on E-bay! It was only like fifteen bucks! I can’t get any service to it, because the one satellite that it’s programmed to connect to burned out a long time ago and crashed into a small island in the South Pacific. It killed, like, 30 people. But it’s still super funny to see me pretending to talk on this big, clunky 80’s cell phone, right? Right? You like me, right?