What If You Were Making Love to Christopher Walken?

Oh.  That’s good. You have a very sensual touch.  I, you know, I’ve always loved the way it feels, you know, to be inside someone.  Inside.  Their vagina.  I wanted to do this for a long time.  And now… here we are.  In your vagina.  Well, I mean, I am.  We couldn’t be.  For you to go inside your own vagina somehow… to get in there, inside yourself.  The very idea.  It’s laughable.  Laughable!

I feel you tensing and I have to be honest.  I, uh, like it.  I…like that feeling.  It feels like I’m suddenly trapped.  In a vice… made from warm ham.  Ham steaks, cut thick.  Nestling my intimate area.  My meat sword.  Sheathing it like a medieval horseman’s weapon.  A weapon made from pork products.  Because we’re porking.  In… your vagina!

Tell me, do you like this?  Yeah?  Tell me…you love it.  When I pump.  I have.  A system.  I pump once…then stop!  And then I pump two times.  And I stop!  And then, maybe you’re expecting it, but I pump three times.  And then do you know?  Do you know what I do next?  I stop!  And…I pump four times.  And I stop!  And by now, by now you’re so…lubricated.  You’re so hot!  So hot in your vagina!  I pump…5 times!  And then stop!  And now, when you’re so hot, I pump.  Just once! I, what I did was, I started again.  And then I stop!

I have to say, I hope your vagina isn’t, uh, isn’t getting a friction burn.  To have…a friction burn, in your vagina.  I mean…my God.  It’d be awful.  So please, let me know.  Let me know, if while I’m pumping.  And pumping.  In your vagina.  Let me know if you develop a…friction burn.  In your vagina.  And we can switch holes.

Oh God.  That is, I…you have no idea.  That is so good.  That’s so good.  Tell me.  Does it feel big…in your vagina?  Am I a big…man?  It’s so big!  Isn’t it?  I want…you.  To take it all!

Wait.  Hold on.  I…hold on.  Get on your knees.  Oh yeah.  Yeah.  See, this will be good.  I can penetrate you.  Deeply.  Deeply this way.  In your vagina.  They call it…doggy style.  It’s funny, because it’s…like a dog.  Dogs really have style!  I’m gonna plow you like a farmer with subsidized soy crops plowing recently aerated soil.  Does that even make sense?  I’ve never been…a farmer!

You know…the thing I like.  About this position.  It’s the view.  I can watch my meat sword penetrate.  In your vagina.  And grab your ass.  Just…I can grab a handful.  Of your ass.  Oh God.

Did you know.  That I love ass?  I do.  I love it.  Love ass.  Assssss!  I love to say it.  It’s fun.  To say ass.  Why don’t…you try it?  While I squeeze your ass.  It’s fun.  I remember once, when I was a boy…in New York.  I, one time, I put a handful of small berries.  Maybe they were raspberries.  Or blueberries.  Or boysenberries.  In my ass.  In your vagina!  Of course, I was just a boy then.  Foolish.  It was outrageous!  To put berries…in my own ass.  I mean, why?  Why would anyone…do such a thing?

I feel.  A sensation.  I’m going to climax.  In your vagina.  But not really…in your vagina.  I’m wearing a rubber.  I’m going to climax…in the rubber.  It’s funny, because it’s not made of rubber.  And, you know, it’s not even latex.  I have…a latex allergy.  I’d hate to get a rash.  On my penis.  From the latex.  Could you imagine?  Could you imagine the discomfort?  A rash, right on my penis.  It would be awful.  I don’t even want to think of it.

UNGH!  Oh…ungh…mmm.  Whoa!  That was…something!  Whoa.  Wow.  Hot!  Here.  Let me get you…a towel.  You look damp.  You should go clean up.  In the bathroom.  And I’ll call you a cab.  I have an early morning.  Tomorrow.  So you should probably go.  And, you know, I’ll call you, sometime.  And I can get back.  In your vagina.