Getting to Know The Crazy Guy that Lives Under The Overpass
By Luis Prada
I live right near the overpass of a highway. Under this overpass dwells a man I call Mitchy the Bug. Mitchy’s real name (or so he tells me) is “You’re Dick.” That’s not a typo on my part. He told me, in very specific terms, that Your is spelled You’re. Whatever. I guess your (or you’re) priorities are shifted around a bit when you live under a road in the sky.
Mitch has been living there for some time. I see him every day. I’ve always wondered what Mitch’s deal was. So, today, I wrote up a list of questions for Mitchy the Bug to answer, just so I can get to know my local crazy guy a little better. Here is what he replied with:
How many years have you been crazy?
A fortnight times the strength of the sun, my friend.
What were you like before you went crazy?
Just an average Joe. I liked to saw wood. I liked to watch ladies shower at the gym. I liked swimming with trout. I liked pretending I was a lady so I could shower with the ladies at the gym to see if an alternate version of me would watch me shower. You know, just normal guy stuff.
Where were you born?
In the cornea of Buddha’s third eye. It’s a suburb of East Lansing, Michigan.
What’s your daily schedule like?
I usually wake up at around 6 am. By 6:05 I’m yelling at cars for being too much like wizard dicks.
Wow, so you start that early?
Yeah, I accuse more automobiles of evil wizardry and homosexuality before 6:05 than most people do all day. I pride myself on it. There goes a malevolent wizard dick now. Don’t you think about casting your plus-6 magic wiener missile at me, wizard dick! I’m protected by my Mad Dog 20/20 potion! I took like 8 potions an hour ago! I’m so protected I’m puking up protection! Sorry, anyway, what was your question?
What’s your average day like?
Oh, right. Well, after the yelling at cars I like to morally demean cats by calling them very hurtful names, and I like to read the news printed on the various used condoms that get flung at me in the night.
News on condoms?
Yeah, in the night I get a lot of news paper blown my way. I usually ignore it, but whenever the freshly used condoms come flying by, they land on the news paper and in the morning I get to read the news on a condom. Think of it like silly putty, just less “silly” and more “tragic.”
Interesting. Anyway, here’s my final question: what’s the dating scene like for crazy people like yourself?
I fuck bricks.
Thanks for your time, Mitchy The Bug
Cram it, loser.
Thursday, April 29, 2010 10:36PM
brilliant observation jake you brick fucking bitch
Thursday, April 29, 2010 10:56PM
Oy, I can smell him form here!
Friday, April 30, 2010 12:00AM
If your going to pretend to interview a bo maybe first do some research on the culture (hobos old and modern, squatters, tramps etc). Don't make the pretentious assumption that were all a bunch of shit flinging retards under a bridge. If you feel it necessary to depict the homeless as mentally unstable, maybe pick up a book on social disorders, psychological disorders or mental disorders. I'm sure your find that a "crazy" person will not declare himself "crazy". You'll also find that they'll most likely exhibit a pattern of traits that are not as coherent nor as arbitrary as this fictional gentleman. and lastly, If by some rare spectacle this is true, and you approached this man and condescendingly asked him this shit for your entertainment purposes, then I hope your car breaks down in the wrong neighborhood and you get dragged out by some goons and they stomp your teeth into the back of your fucking skull. Have a nice day asshole.
Friday, April 30, 2010 12:45AM
Fuckin lame. I thought it might be interesting, but nope…. It's fake. God you suck
Friday, April 30, 2010 12:45AM
I hardly think Luis getting beaten by ruffians is going to fix anything.
Friday, April 30, 2010 12:46AM
Dearest Long Road,
I went ahead and did a little research on your biological mother. It turns out that she is actually pregnant with my hobo baby! I don't use condoms with things written on them, but rather I fancy my feces covered penis and crab inhabited bean bag. A congrats is in order, but I'll let you go ahead and take it in since you may not know how to react to such wonderful news. Unlike you, she is not prone to violence, but is rather caring and extremely tender. Her touch is like a drag from a half smoked menthol, most likely a KOOL, I do suspect. Her voice is like small ringing dinner bell, and believe me, she makes me extremely hungry. Are you hungry? We should grab a bite to eat and discuss our new found relationship. I like like mexican or bagels. I do not expect you to call me father anytime in the immediate future, but perhaps some time down the road. Well son, give me a shout soon and try not to fuck yourself too hard in the mean time.
Love,
Father
Friday, April 30, 2010 2:05AM
Long Road's Dad embodies everything a father should be…if only his son hadn't turned out to be such an entitled prick. Hopefully all news-print stained condoms will tell this tale of hobos reuniting over the internet. I raise my half eaten garbage sandwich to the paragon of fatherhood, Long Road's Dad!
Friday, April 30, 2010 3:44AM
So fake, so lame.
Friday, April 30, 2010 4:00AM
Fake?! You guys must work at NASA to be able to figure out it's not real. It's fucking satire! Jesus Christ I can't believe those comments are real. And to Long Road, the only degenerate who spends the change he grovels for in an internet cafe rather then on cheep wine. Go fuck yourself. If i wanted to hear about the plight of the assholes who try to dirty up my wind shield for a dollar, I'd run a google search for "bat shit crazy waste of fucking life" so save me the sob story of mental disorder. It's satire, it's a joke. Funny or not, no one gives two shits about your hurt feelings.
Friday, April 30, 2010 4:14AM
This very much seems like some soul-less 20 something douche trying to be clever and funny. And I have to say I'm with Long Road on this one. No matter if it's real or not, it sucks either way. There sure are a lot of self-centered, heartless people in the world.. not that it's ever been different.
http://gothamist.com/2010/04/28/stabbed_homeless_…
Friday, April 30, 2010 4:26AM
Yay Luis! I think you've created the most commented-on article in FunnyCrave history! Next time shoot for getting at least 60% non-retarded comments.
Friday, April 30, 2010 4:39AM
totally fake.. youre wack
Friday, April 30, 2010 4:47AM
I can't help it, AJ! I think I have a natural musk that attracts them.
But, no. This one is pretty far from our most commented article. After a quick check, our Adam Lambert "Judging An Album By Its Cover" article currently has 64 comments on it. And after another quick check, my Facebook status updates article has 76 comments on it. If tomorrow one of us wrote an article about shit status updates written by Adam Lambert we'd be swimming in a pool of money and hookers by the weekend.
Friday, April 30, 2010 5:26AM
if your homeless why do you have internet haha what a lame ass get a house bitch !
Friday, April 30, 2010 5:26AM
if your homeless why do you have internet haha what a lame ass get a house bitch !
Friday, April 30, 2010 6:48AM
This was clearly meant to be not just any homeless person but a mentally unstable one, so there is no need to be offended based on the notion that all hobos were stereotyped as crazy idiots here. Also, the whole interview seems too fake. I don't see a crazy person answering those questions like that.
Friday, April 30, 2010 12:59PM
Keep on drinking and drugging and that WILL be you!
Friday, April 30, 2010 1:28PM
It's real. He's my cousin's neighbor's best friend's shoe repair guy. Weird how the shoes always come back filled with coleslaw.
Friday, April 30, 2010 2:09PM
I don't get how people can be upset by this. The article is hilarious and very obvious satire. Yes it uses stereotypes of bums/hobos/the homeless but no where in it did he say that he interviewed every homeless man ever. This is less about a homeless guy and more about a ridiculous, over-the-top guy than anything else.
Plus, it's on a comedy site on the internet. WHY THE HELL ARE YOU COMPLAINING ABOUT BEING OFFENDED ON THE INTERNET?!
Jeez.
Friday, April 30, 2010 2:19PM
its the internet, people think that all there silly opinions and statements matter, gives them another reason to ass fck each other in comments
Friday, April 30, 2010 3:47PM
Vagisil.
Friday, April 30, 2010 5:20PM
no it doesn't. have you ever talked to a schizophrenic? I have recorded conversations like this a few times.
Friday, April 30, 2010 5:39PM
Totally fake.
Friday, April 30, 2010 6:38PM
i'm sincerely curious if you actually interviewed a homeless person or if this is just a creative fiction piece. either way, i dig it. hit me back.
Friday, April 30, 2010 7:23PM
Brick fucker
Friday, April 30, 2010 10:59PM
WHAAAAAAMMMMMMMBBBBUUULLLLAAANNNCEEE
Friday, April 30, 2010 11:14PM
So make it happen!
Saturday, May 1, 2010 5:08AM
Dude…fake or not…that whole "Long Roads Dad" thing was flippin hilarious! good job you guys…have an internet, on me! :D
Saturday, May 1, 2010 5:38AM
A lot of homeless use the internet. All homeless aren't crazy, drunk, drugged or un-showered. They just don't have homes. They still have brains. Libraries let you use the internet for free.
Saturday, May 1, 2010 5:38AM
A lot of homeless use the internet. All homeless aren't crazy, drunk, drugged or un-showered. They just don't have homes. They still have brains. Libraries let you use the internet for free.
Saturday, May 1, 2010 5:45AM
Want to know what a crazy homeless guy is really like? Buy one food, coffee or a bottle. Sit and talk. really. they are people. The crazy ones make perfect sense until you hit the ….off line button they the go off on a wacky mental road trip. Usually harmless.
Saturday, May 1, 2010 12:04PM
This is fake. The content is funny and shocking but the guy's logic hangs together too well and the sytax is just too "normal." This sounds like what a college soph would think a schizophrenic would say.
Saturday, May 1, 2010 12:44PM
I was homeless, deliberately, for several years in the 70's. One of the problems with that scene is the lack of proper diet. It can create a nutritionally based psychosis. There was an article about it in OMNI magazine in the 80's. Reality isn't much different but the responses seemed to be "out of sync" with the perceptions, at least for me at the time. To be certain, I was able to stay clean and spent my time hitchhiking around the country. The experience is priceless and the most crazy people I met were actually driving cars and had homes. BTW. profanity and negating rants don't actually add to the estimation of intelligence. Anger is a sign one has failed to take personal responsibility for something.
Saturday, May 1, 2010 3:16PM
fake and gay…lol
Saturday, May 1, 2010 8:25PM
Long Road-You're homeless, shouldn't you be yelling a wizard dicks and not on a computer?
Saturday, May 1, 2010 9:49PM
should have done a video interview, seems fake
Sunday, May 2, 2010 1:19AM
im homeless and i have a laptop, mp3 player, and cellphone just because im homeless doesnt mean that im crazy or poor. i have degrees in psychology and sociology. i just prefer to not have to worry about rent and bills and just live in nature. i dont drink i dont do drugs im just happier jumping trains and hitchhiking….and to SARAH… i dont want a home your materialistic mega consuming capitalist WHORE!!!!!!
Sunday, May 2, 2010 5:18AM
having a home isnt capatalism its normality. youre nuts, and to the rest of you people defending bums i dont think this guy was stereotyping the bum "race" hes talking to one guy who is obviously nuts. get out of your politically correct shells
Sunday, May 2, 2010 11:52AM
This is the worst written piece of garbage I have read all day thank you for wasting my time
Sunday, May 2, 2010 4:21PM
God forbid you should genuinely try to connect with a homeless person, instead of making fun of them with this prejudicial garbage. You're a disgrace.
Sunday, May 2, 2010 6:48PM
It wouldn't be interesting if it was real because most homeless aren't crazy fucks. I thought that the writer wrote some funny shit even if it is scripted.
Sunday, May 2, 2010 8:10PM
This is bullshit.
Sunday, May 2, 2010 8:35PM
schizophrenia is such a cool disease.
Sunday, May 2, 2010 11:08PM
Woah, you're kind of an ass. Give the guy a chance, dickwad.
Monday, May 3, 2010 1:13AM
fake and gay
Monday, May 3, 2010 2:11AM
fake
Monday, May 3, 2010 3:14AM
geez. so many haters, i thought the story was quite entertaining, even though it was flawed.
Monday, May 3, 2010 3:45AM
If you're a bum, why the fuck are you on a computer? And if you actually have access to one, why are you wasting your time with this nonsense? Good joke, asshole. You are the one who's teeth get forcefully placed at the back of your skull.
Monday, May 3, 2010 8:07AM
I love how people continue to point out it's fake, act horrified at how insensitive it is to talk about a human being like this, and call it gay or some other insensitive slur.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010 5:08AM
It is fake! We all get that! Quit being so sensitive! Nobody is on here crying about how Homer Simpson is a insensitive depiction of their drunk fat ass dads! Shut up and get a life! Nobody is making fun of any actual human being, IT IS A JOKE! Go cry to Oprah, if you think it is so unfair!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010 7:34AM
the hobo in the story is funny because it's obviously satire. just silliness. the really upsetting part is how many people posted the words "fake" and "gay". you people hurt my brains. please stop spraying your dumb on the funny, please.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010 7:51AM
thats not even funny, rahter pathetic
Wednesday, May 5, 2010 12:31AM
I thhink it is funny! And to all of you that got so offended, Did it ever cross your mind that maybe the homeless person was being a smartass… As I would be if anyone asked me the same ridiculous questions?
Wednesday, May 5, 2010 4:08AM
youre an asshole. its just a fucking joke. people make fun of people all the time its just you taking offense to it. think of it as being treated as an equal you fucking ass hole.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010 11:34PM
This sound 'shopped. I can tell from some of the letters and from reading a few 'shops in my day.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010 4:36AM
You know what all the assholes who made comments about how homeless people should helped and not mocked did after posting. They clicked the stumble button and moved on with their lives. Cause they want you to help the homeless while they continue to dick off on the internet.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010 4:58PM
I really don't care that it's made up, it's funny as hell. Monty Python make shit up, and they're funny as hell, too. Same with most comedy. Actually interviewing a crazy person would not be funny at all. So this, by being "fake," or as some like to call it, "imaginitive," actually made me laugh out loud.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010 6:33PM
I find your gross overgeneralization of goons both hurtful and ignorant. Goons have been pigeon-holed by condescending elitists like you through out the history of our country, and your insensitive stereotyping of them as violent mongrels who will attack anyone whose car breaks down is not only inaccurate, but willfully ignorant. Please take some time to research these goons' socioeconomic predicament before anonymously plastering your hate speech on a public forum.
Thursday, May 6, 2010 3:28AM
I know you are just being funny and that's okay, but really, schizophrenia isn't cool at all. It's a really difficult disease to deal with and very emotionally painful to watch someone suffer through. It makes matters even worse that there's no real help for many, many sufferers because involuntary committal to an institution is pretty near impossible these days. It's hard to watch someone you love lose their mind.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010 11:01PM
wtf is this shit
Thursday, May 6, 2010 6:05AM
This entirely demeaning and dehumanizing. Instead of looking at homeless or mentally individuals as objects of ridicule, perhaps you should look at them as more than objects- as people who deserve more respect than this poor excuse for humor.
Thursday, May 6, 2010 11:54AM
LIghten up, Francis. Its comedy, not a documentary.
Thursday, May 6, 2010 7:43AM
don’t make shit up its lame and boring
Thursday, May 6, 2010 2:36PM
WON'T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!
Thursday, May 6, 2010 10:21PM
what is it satirizing?
Friday, May 7, 2010 8:57AM
It's funny because he's homeless! No but seriously? That's funny that you used a homeless person to make yourself famous and liked.
Saturday, May 8, 2010 4:54PM
about 40% of homeless are on the street because of mental illness. at least someone is talking to the guy, I bet that's the closest thing he's had to a conversation in a long time.
Sunday, May 9, 2010 3:02PM
I agree – I was on board with it until a certain point, then it just sounded made up.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010 6:10AM
wait a second wait a second, long road.. you said "dont make the assumption that were all a bunch of shit flinging retards". If i am to read this correctly, you mean we're. meaning, we are. and unless this is the royal we, i am to assume you too are homeless? why the fuck is a homeless man on funnycrave.com? why is a homeless man have a computer no less? you're a fucking moron troll.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010 6:36AM
yeesh you fuckers need lives…
Wednesday, May 12, 2010 10:25AM
i thought this was real for a second, then was really disappointed that it wasn't. that sucks.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010 8:20PM
real or not, it was still entertaining for a few minutes.
Thursday, May 13, 2010 12:36AM
well living in ny and seeing at least 15-20 a day i say tis is really not that far fetched, not all homeless are like this but there are some that are crazy like that.
Thursday, May 13, 2010 2:28AM
Oh, shut up. He never said, "Everything for the rest of this article is real."
It's funny as fuck and regardless of its authenticity you should keep your damn mouth shut, You Joke Ruining BItch.
Thursday, May 13, 2010 12:20PM
Fucking win
Thursday, May 13, 2010 7:11PM
This is insulting. You're a fake. Maybe take a break from Call of Duty for a few days and find something real to write about, you phony. You're doing the wrong job.
Thursday, May 13, 2010 7:55PM
he sounds more insane genius than anything else.
Thursday, May 13, 2010 11:05PM
Wait…Luis is a phony? Oh, sweet Jesus. I thought he was Mexican.
Friday, May 14, 2010 12:30AM
Dude, don't be such a fucking racist. If he was Mexican he wouldn't have a job.
Friday, May 14, 2010 9:25AM
This wasn't funny at all. Did you let anybody read this to verify it was remotely humorous before posting?
Monday, May 17, 2010 8:22PM
wow, ur a fucking R tard. its meant as a joke, so fuck off fag
Monday, May 17, 2010 9:59PM
Literally the funniest thing I have ever read.Ever.
@ Long Road – Go suck a wizard dick and fuck off.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010 7:27PM
Homeless people sometimes go to the library. And sometimes libraries have computers. So, sometimes, homeless people, too, use computer. I know it's a weird, perhaps uncomfortable concept, but it's actually true, I've seen it happen.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010 10:56PM
It seems to me that the word "crazy" offended you. Do you not think that the word "retard" is just as offensive?
Thursday, May 20, 2010 2:52AM
this is kid's stuff.
Thursday, May 20, 2010 7:50AM
I like this response. But name calling is not necessary.
Thursday, May 20, 2010 8:16PM
Just because someone's homeless doesn't mean they don't have a job or don't have access to a computer. Look into it.
Saturday, May 22, 2010 12:33PM
Ok just because he said wow that early doesnt mean he was like standing there with that one wrote down its was more of a question on the fly didnt plan to say it but it seemed like something else to ask.
Monday, May 24, 2010 5:11PM
I agree
Monday, May 24, 2010 7:20PM
8D omg lawl. I used to be homeless out in California.. that man doesn't sound CRAZY. You don't KNOW "crazy". Fictional or real.. he's just got a different kind of humor. I mean, who here can judge? The internet sucked you guys up and spewed out a buncha filthy, dark humored, low-morality weirdos. He's just hilarious. Goddamn wizard dicks.
Monday, May 24, 2010 7:46PM
yeah because a lot of hobos get on the internet dude.
Monday, May 24, 2010 10:26PM
You are very heartfelt and noble for noticing your paternal obligations. I also like bagels, although I prefer muffins.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010 3:19AM
My homeless friend has a cell phone, a car, and a homeless gf that heloves very much lol and he's not crazy nor mental in any way. He brews beer in an abandoned warehouse up in cali, and sometimes he gets on the computer at his local library, idk what he does but he does it. But if you ask me this interview is a joke, a funny one at that.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010 4:19AM
There's nothing insane about cursing the car.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010 7:56AM
Why do people always have to complain? Real or fake, it is still funny, and if you didn't find it funny…hit stumble?
Wednesday, May 26, 2010 12:37PM
lol. Long Road. Hobos have really come a long way. You guys have Internet now? :)
Wednesday, May 26, 2010 1:06PM
Probably fake but it was still funny. Who cares?
Wednesday, May 26, 2010 2:20PM
fedup your a loser stfu
Wednesday, May 26, 2010 2:25PM
This is definately real. I've seen a couple of bums before. they tried to ask me for money. They smelled like sh*t and looked like that had poop on their faces. I think they eat poop to survive? where else do they get food. haha f*cking losers. imagine if you resorted to eating poop to survive
Wednesday, May 26, 2010 7:04PM
WINNER!
Thursday, May 27, 2010 3:17PM
read my name
Thursday, May 27, 2010 9:47PM
how to troll 101
Friday, May 28, 2010 8:53PM
i lived in east lansing and smoked a fat blunt with this guy
Friday, May 28, 2010 9:06PM
people just calm the fuck down its a joke. just stop flaming each other
Saturday, May 29, 2010 7:56AM
While i didn't necessarily like the post…the comments definitely saved it for me!
Saturday, June 5, 2010 8:45AM
Maybe I wouldn't agree with "long road" so much if this was actually funny to someone other than the rejects of the Internet with a 7 year olds sense of humour. He's exactly right, its just plain offensive. I still have yet to hear what the joke is, unless its all homeless people are crazy, which stopped being funny the day I turned five. For the record I watch tasteless offensive comedy all the time and none of it offends me, but if you take out all of the observations and jokes it just becomes derogatory and mean.
As a comedian with two comedy central specials, an HBO special, a peabody and an emmy, wasting his time on the Internet, I can gladly say there's nothing funny about this. Its a punch-line with no joke. Its about as funny as a gorilla eating a baby with a pitchfork(not funny just offensive). On the other hand saying the best way to get a baby out of a blender is tortilla chips is both offensive and funny. Btw here's a good start for you, you can have this joke, "a seal walks into a club"(that's the joke, get it).
Tuesday, June 15, 2010 2:07PM
Who cares if it's fake or unrealistic? It's funny. People need to stop being so serious on the internet.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010 1:03AM
That was amazing <3
Friday, September 17, 2010 2:46PM
yea this shit is fake no crazy homeless guy like that structures his sentences so coherently
Saturday, September 25, 2010 8:00PM
fake and not that funny. its not funny BECAUSE ITS FAKE. the homeless guy may be real but im sure he didnt say that shit. it sounds like a bunch of thought out answers that were written, people dont talk like that homeless or not. the comments for this are way more entertaining and funny than the fake ass interview.
Saturday, October 9, 2010 10:10PM
This is not funny. Have YOU ever been homeless asshole?
Saturday, October 9, 2010 10:15PM
No, it isn't funny. Try being homeless for awhile bitch. Then we see how fucking funny you think it is.
Thursday, October 14, 2010 10:13PM
Justin sounds sheltered.
Thursday, December 2, 2010 12:02PM
Regardless of whether its fake or not its till a really funny interview!If its real brilliant,if not then fair fucks to the dude who created it!
Thursday, January 27, 2011 1:23PM
have my babies thats the most intelligent thing to come out of this post
Friday, March 25, 2011 1:31AM
The biggest farce that exists in our world is the concept that we are all created equal. We are obviously not created equal. We lack the resources and the willingness to help those of us who need it. As a whole humans are selfish. No one can argue that point but the other side of that coin is this: We are not obligated to help anyone in this world. You have to choose it. That being said the article was pretty funny but as usual the comments were the funniest. When you speak your mind and it’s filled with ignorance and a sever lack of intelligence, it shows and it is funny as hell. Keep de-evolving america so those of us with an I.Q. can laugh at you flailing around in the shallow end of the gene pool. Cheers!