A Boston Celtics Hater Guide

The NBA Finals begin this week and once again, we have a timeless match up on our hands.  The Los Angeles Lakers vs. The Boston Celtics.  It’s like the 1980’s without the nutcutter shorts.  If you’re a fan of either team, it’s a given that you know you’re supposed to absolutely despise the other team.  But unless you know your basketball history, you may not know why for sure.  This could cause all sorts of problems when drunkenly talking shit about your arch rival.

Well, FunnyCrave is here to help.  As part of our continuing Hater Guide series, this week we’ll be presenting both sides of the NBA Finals argument.  Yesterday, we brought you a Los Angeles Lakers Hater Guide.  Today, a Boston Celtics hater guide.

The Basics

• The Boston Celtics were formed in 1946 and have been in Boston the whole time.  Like most people in Boston, the Celtics have a long tradition of living with their mother well into adulthood.
• The Boston Celtics play in the Eastern Conference.  This means they rarely compete for championships.

• Why yes, we did know that Boston won a championship just a couple of years ago.  Guess what, we’re still calling them losers.

Popularity

• Unlike most professional teams that we write these hater guides about, the Celtics don’t have anything on their Wikipedia page about popularity.  Because Wikipedia is the source of all information on the internet, we can only take this to mean that nobody likes the Boston Celtics.

Facts About Larry Bird

• Larry Bird was an outstanding player.  You know, for a white guy at least.
• Larry Bird has three children.
• He actually acknowledges that two of them exist.
• Those two are adopted.
• Larry Bird is a dick.

Pictured: Larry Bird attacking Julius Erving...BECAUSE HE'S BLACK!

Championships

• 28 Division Titles
• 21 Conference Titles
• 17 NBA Championships
• 63 “Most Caucasian Fanbase In All of Sports” Titles

As mandated by Boston Celtics tradiition, token cheerleaders are to be pictured standing in back of the group only.