8 Perfectly Normal Explanations For Why An 8 Foot Tall Lego Man Washed Up On A Florida Beach
By Luis Prada
Lots of weird things wash on to Florida beaches. Condoms, the occasional medical waste, things like that. But none are as strange as what washed ashore this week. It was an 8-foot-tall Lego man.
No one knows why the Lego man was in the ocean to begin with. People are baffled, and no one has come forth to claim ownership of the Lego man. So while it still may be too early to declair this a full-blow mystery, I’m going to take a crack at guessing why this giant Lego person was in the water. If any of my predictions turn out to be right…well, then we live in a far stranger world than any of us could have imagined.
1) It is the corpse of a regular human that, after crashing on to an island in the middle of the ocean inhabited by a small colony of scientists lead by the insane and maniacal Dr. Killingstrom, was transformed in to a gigantic Lego man after a series of horrific genetic tests and implantations went awry.
2) It is a message from the famous and totally clandestine Lego Mafia. The message? “Anyone that f*cks with the Lego family sleeps with the fishes.”
3) This is what happens when the child of a blue whale loses a toy.
4) The Lego man is our first contact with the Atlanteans.
5) Long ago, a human child lost his favorite Lego man during a beach outing with his family. After floating throughout the seas for a while, the Lego man came in contact with an otherworldly radioactive goop. So this 8-foot tall Lego man is the real world’s version of Godzilla. Real life sucks.
6) The Lego man’s real name is Phil Winkle, and he was a construction worker living in the great city of Legoland. While constructing the 87th hospital and/or police office and/or fire house in Legoland, Phil stepped on to a support beam that broke away and fell in to the ocean. The beam was one of those long, red, rectangular bricks with 12 pegs. The holes under Phil’s feet sunk in to the pegs on the brick. When the brick fell due to faulty brick-peg placement, Phil fell with it. The lesson here is to never stick a long Lego brick to another brick with only two pegs. It is structurally unsound and creates an imbalance when pressure is applied, leading to breakage.
7) It is actually a chunk of coral reef. See, this is what ocean pollution does to our world. It makes it fun and educational for children.
8) A dummy used in a NASA experiment. NASA’s really cash strapped nowadays.
