We want to take a moment here to sort out “fundamentalists” from “Christians”. Christians are people who believe you should be nice to everybody and respect their decisions, even if they don’t personally approve of them. Most of America is, technically, Christian, but if you’re not Christian, they don’t care.
Then there are fundamentalists, who call themselves Christian, but lack the reading comprehension to understand certain key points in the Bible, like doing unto others, loving thy neighbor and this whole “Jesus doesn’t want you to be rich” thing. They consist almost entirely of middle and upper-middle-class white people, and with that comes, apparently, the biggest victim complex in the entire world. To hear them talk, they’re right there up on the cross with Jesus.
In reality, they’re whiners. And that whining has, lately, been hitting new ridiculous heights. To the point where they complain about the lyrics of a hymn being “changed”, when they weren’t.
At issue was the version of “May the Circle Be Unbroken”, a hymn Irrational Games used as the soundtrack for their latest “Shoot People In the Face And Also POLITICS!” extravaganza, “Bioshock Infinite”. A trailer came out and the chorus didn’t have “Lord” in it! CENSORSHIP! ANTI-CHRISTIAN PROPAGANDA! POP CULTURE PERVERTING OUR FAITH! BBBBBBBBBAAAAAAAWWWWW!
Then, of course, somebody actually bothered to look it up and realized that the common version of the song we know now was written in 1935. The game is set in 1912, when the hymn had completely different lyrics. Whoops!
This would be funnier if it didn’t happen every frickin’ day. Literally, not a day goes by that a person doesn’t do something fairly inconspicuous, only for some fundamentalist to see it and freak the hell out about how it’s a personal attack on their religion and oh how oppressed they are and blah blah blah.
You know what? If you read the Bible closely, Jesus actually dealt with this. It’s right after the Sermon on the Mount:
“And lo, Christ was approached by a Roman man, who had heard the sermon, and the Roman sayeth unto him ‘Why must thou oppress me by speaking of things I do not agree with?’ To which our Lord responded, ‘Why does my language oppress thee? Take this gift of maturity, and feel oppressed no more.’ And lo, did the scales fall from the Roman’s eyes and he found the teachings of our Lord to be something he could ignore.
Then, as he was wandering away, a pile of excrement most foul fell and crushed the Roman. Sayeth the Lord, ‘As ye spout dung, so shall ye reap.’ And the Son said ‘Come on, Dad, we talked about this. You said you’d do it my way.’
Sayeth the Lord, ‘I know. But my way is funnier. Leave this out of the book, Luke.’”
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