WWE CEO To Run For Senate, Congress Orders More Pyrotechnics

Democratic Senator for Connecticut Chris Dodd is going through some shit right now. It was recently revealed that he had accepted some kick backs from corporations, and he probably banged a hooker on his desk and cleaned up the mess with the American flag. Now, one of those two things is true, we just don’t remember which one, and we’re not even sure if that one that is true is even true. But we do know that Senator Dodd is in some shit right now. We saw it on the news. But we weren’t paying attention.

This would normally mean that Senator Dodd is going to have a tough time winning back his seat in 2010, but what with a certain recent announcement of candidacy it looks like things are about to get tougher for Dodd. Linda McMahon, wife of the WWE’s Vince McMahon, is throwing her hat in the ring for senator Dodd’s seat. And, yes. We just made a wrestling pun. Suck it.

Since 1997, Linda has been the CEO of the WWE. Regardless of her political slant, this instantly makes her qualified for the job of senator. No other person in the history of Washington has had more experience in dealing with a bunch of ‘roid raging, muscle bound lunatics than she. She’s worked with men that can be talking in to being body slammed on to thumbtacks, or being set on fire. If you can do that as a day job for just over 12 years, then you can handle Washington.  Once you’ve worked alongside men that would rather be hit in the face by steel chairs then work a desk job, then you are ready for Washington.

One can only hope that Linda challenges Dodd to a live debate on Monday Night Raw. We can totally imagine both Linda and Senator Dodd standing behind two podiums in the center of the ring. The moment Dodd finishes a sentence, the crowd follows it up with Stone Cold Steve Austin’s signature and patronizing catchphrase, “WHAT?!” Perhaps Linda will grab the mic and get face to face with Dodd and call him out on some flip flopping of policies? Hopefully, the crowd will break out in to a chant of “ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE!” because that’s how a democracy should work. Then, if Linda wants to truly destroy everything good and holy about democracy, the lights can go out in the arena. When they come back on, Kane is standing right behind him .The crowd goes wild as Chris Dodd is Tombstoned. Of course, he isn’t actually given the Tombstone because it’s all just a show. What isn’t fake, though, is the look in Senator Dodd’s eyes when he fully and finally realizes that democracy has literally been turned in to a freaky side show attraction that is all about catering to the lowest common denominator.