Women: “Sex is a bartering chip,” Men: “I got a chip you can barter! Woo!”

When a man wants to have sex it’s usually because a woman was exposing at least one-square inch of flesh somewhere on her body. According to a new study conducted by Texas University professors that will be published in an upcoming book, when a women wants to have sex it’s because she just wants you to shut up…or take out the trash…or because she is a sneaky, bartering wench.

84% of the women in the study admitted to having sex with their husbands to get them to do household chores. One women was quoted as saying, “”I have sex to relieve the boredom because it’s easier than fighting. Plus it gives me something to do.” Apparently, for a lot of women out there having sex with their husband or boyfriend should either come with a time clock so they can punch in and punch out for their mandatory wifely duties, or men should replace their heads with TVs so the women can have something to keep their attention.

One in 10 women said that they’ve had sex so their significant other’s would give them presents. Apparently, giving women a dose of vitamin-D (the “D” stands for “penis”) isn’t nearly a gift enough. So if you were planning of presenting your lady with your dick wrapped in a festive bow with small card attached to it that reads “To: Your pussy, From: My throbbing cock, Happy Birthday! Now spread’em!” then you may want to scrap that idea and just go ahead and get her some jewelry so she can give you a begrudging blow.

The author of the book, which is titled “Why Women Have Sex,” had this to say…

“Research has shown most men find most women at least somewhat sexually attractive, whereas most women do not find most men sexually attractive at all”

The female body is a finely sculpted work of art that is outlined by tantalizing curves that stimulate the male libido.

A dick looks like paused footage of ground sirloin squeezing through a meat grinder.

Ladies, we know dicks are terrible. With that said, we don’t care what reason you have for having sex with us. Just keep doing it.