Why Jay Leno is an Asshole

You’ve heard the drama over at NBC, and it boils down to one thing – Jay Leno is an asshole.  In the world of comedians, Jay Leno is not very good.  You can laugh at his jokes, people have done it before, he’s had a few that didn’t suck, but it’s worth noting he also has the best team of writers NBC can muster to work with the man and a pocket of tricks he’s stolen from other comedians, most notably Howard Stern from whom Jay cherry-picked his signature Jay Walking bit.

Jay Leno took the Tonight Show from Johnny Carson, who wanted David Letterman to have it.  That was the first time Leno screwed somebody for this program, and that’s cool.  Dave did alright for himself over at CBS and the loss hasn’t ruined his life plus it’s allowed him to meet and hump many new coworkers.

Jay Leno had more than half a decade to plan for the day he retired from the Tonight Show,  which seems like a reasonable amount of time to get your chin into fishing or golf or something that won’t ruin another man’s career.

Conan O’Brien had the same amount of time to plan for how he’d handle the Tonight Show, and so did the network.  There is no reasonable excuse for Conan O’Brien’s current screwing.  It boils down to the network being run by idiots and kowtowing to Jay Leno who they think will save them from their own idiocy, because they’re too stupid to realize how awful the decision they’re making is.

Much of the world of stand up comedy hates Jay Leno.  Listen to comedians talk about him, they despise him.  They despise him for his hackneyed jokes, for his dispassionate delivery and for his selfishness and that’s exactly what is happening here.  He’s being selfish.  He retired, he wasn’t fired.  He didn’t get sick.  He didn’t forget to go to work and have someone steal his thunder.  Leno retired and planned the goddamn thing 6 years ago, promising to give the show over to Conan O Brien, a man who has worked hard and built his show from nothing to a comedy legend in the slot after the Tonight Show.

Leno’s 10 PM show was garbage.  Why?  Because Leno didn’t have the lead in that carried him through the Tonight Show previously.  On his own merits, Leno failed.  And his failing caused network affiliates to lose news viewers, which is why it got cancelled.  And the news caused Conan’s ratings to tumble.

When Leno started, his ratings sucked as well, even with a solid 10 PM lead in and the nightly news.  He didn’t [ass Letterman in the ratings for 3 years, while they’ve only given Conan 7 months.  Leno screwed Conan twice in this situation, and not only isn’t showing remorse, he’s now feeding on Conan’s corpse.  His public statements made him seem like an innocent victim in all this, the subject of the network’s foolish decision making, but that’s crap.  He retired but didn’t want to leave TV, so they gave him a show.  And when he failed, he got his old job back.  He’s like a giant, selfish baby who wants all the toys in the toybox and screw anyone else.

Worse, NBC executives have the balls to rip into Conan now.  The aptly named Dick Ebersol called Conan an astounding failure and accused him of being pissy with Leno because he couldn’t beta him in the ratings.  Hey, Dick…are you challenged?  I seriously mean that.  Did you not get all the oxygen you needed in the womb?  Did the doctor’s forceps crush your noggin a bit? He was on the same network, asshole.  Your joke of a network.  The reason he failed is because LENO WAS AN ABYSMAL LEAD IN.

Indeed, NBC is run by a team of drug-addled chimpanzees who probably aren’t coordinated enough to pick nuts from their own feces.  And at the head of the pack is the great-chinned ape Jay Leno who is the most gutless backstabber I’ve ever seen, whining and feigning ignorance of the whole situation as though he is somehow being held at gunpoint and forced to ruin Conan’s career.

Conan, the FunnyCrave job offer still stands, but you’d do well to check with FOX.  As for NBC, here’s hoping the backlash stays strong.  Audiences may be forgiving in time, but you know who isn’t?  The people in the industry who will no longer have anything to do with Jay Leno and will refuse to do the Tonight Show.  Lots of celebrities have refused it in the past for various reasons, but now hordes of them, especially comedians, will be staying away in droves from Jay’s boring, scripted interviews.  Try to keep your ratings up when you kill the Tonight Show.