What Happened To Funny Crave?

Hey, everybody.

Sorry about us being gone for the past few days. We know how it must have felt coming to our hilarious if not dreadfully ugly site, only to be greeted with old funny. We are in the business of delivering unto you only the freshest streams of funny. In that respect, we failed. But it was for good reason. You see, we got hacked. Not just us, but our entire network of sites. The entire Ucrave family got thoroughly molested by a virus or something and, in short, shit got fucked up and it made doing shit really fucking hard…and shit.

We didn’t want to put you and your computer at risk, so we all collectively decided to stop updating until shit stopped sucking so fucking hard. It was a nerve-wracking time for us. We stayed up late every night playing video games and snorting cocaine off the legs of sexy Peruvian migrant workers (aka, Funny Crave inters). In between snorts and headshots we would turn to our computers, see that things were still shitty and fucked up, then we forced ourselves to say, “Nooo! We can’t work!! Shucks! Shucks it all to hell!!” At one point, we almost actually cared.

But, no. We kid. In all seriousness, we do care and we hated not being able to supply you guys with some funny, or at least, our feeble attempts at funny. While the short time off was kind of nice, we found ourselves getting antsy; we wandered the streets trying to make poignant and hysterical observations about daily life. Wal-Mart shoppers don’t seem to give a shit as much as you, our regular fans. And, much to our surprise, children in daycare centers don’t like rape jokes. Even really raunchy ones. Luckily for us, inmates do. We went over very well with our inmate buddies. Especially with one particular inmate named “Wrecks.” He even told us that when he got out that he’d find us, and that he’d contact us when we least expected it. Wrecks sure was a swell guy.

Anyway, changing gears here for a second, we would now like to explain to you the exact problem we encountered. Now, the explanation is a bit technical, so we’re going to break down in to the simplest terms. By that, we mean we’re going to explain it with nothing but references to the 1995 Angelina Jolie movie Hackers.

You see, someone hacked our Gibson, so we had to send a flu shot, and then type the word “cookie” a bunch of times before they turned all of our green blocks red. Luckily, our trusty, ragtag gang of computer geniuses hacked their way in to a garbage file and made Leonardo da Vinci’s Vitruvian Man scream “HEEEEEEELLP MEEEEEEEE!!” before it died.

Again, we apologize for the lack of updates and we hope you enjoy the rest of the show.

Sincerely,

Three failures that make a living writing dick jokes while they’re in their underwear (aka: Adam, Ian, and Luis).