Vulva: It’s Like a Vagina in a Bottle [Video]

If the video below is to be believed, then the smell of a sweaty vagina post-recumbent bicycle workout is like cat nip for men. We would argue something a little different, though. We think the smell of a sweaty vagina would be more reminiscent of a slab of cod fish that’s been left out in the sun for a few hours.

The following video is NSFW.

We’re going to confirm your suspicions right now: yeah, that was creepy. If you saw a gym rush over and shove his face into a sweaty bicycle seat after a girl steps off it, you’d call the manager immediately to have that guy barred for life on the grounds of “C’mon, man!” That’s problem one.

Problem two arises when you visit the website for Vulva perfume, which is, again, NSFW. The site tells us that Vulva is not a perfume, it’s just a bottle some a liquid that smells just like pussy juice. It’s not pheromones or some such shit. It’s a bottle of “slightly yellow, desirable substance,” as the website states. Sounds like they bottled mucus, and mucus is not “desirable.” The thing is, when you read that sentence, you just know that some guy in the Vulva marketing department – probably some newbie fresh out of college – was typing up that sentence when the veteran ad man read it and said “no one will buy a bottle of a ‘yellow’ substance. But you add the word ‘desirable’ and people go ape shit for the smell of a puss.”

The site goes on to say that the glass vial Vulva comes in has a roll-on head so you can whip out the bottle, roll the juice all over your hands and walk around making people you shake hands with think you either just delivered a baby, or you just got done punching the fuck out of an evil, man-sized vagina with a thirst for chaos.

“Hey, what are you rolling on to your hand, there, Bill?”

“Oh, nothing. Just the scent of a woman’s vagina.”

“Hm, well, you’re mind is fucked bill. I sure hope you didn’t murder her for her juices.”

“Ha! No, no. I did not. I purchased this from a reputable online dealer.”

“Yeah, well, if you don’t mind, I’ll just be calling the police now. Have fun with your pussy roller, ya’freak. Give my regards to the wife and kids. If they’re not chopped up in your basement, that is.”