Remember that form you put off filling for months because you thought it was going to take you hours, but then you filled it out and noticed it only took you 3 minutes, and then you wondered why you put it off for so long, but you know when the next census comes around you’ll just do the same thing? Yeah, well, the data from that has been collected, it’s been tallied, and it’s now being released to the world.

While the data we’re now seeing speaks volumes on the various populations of cities and states and how said populations will most likely affect state voting habits and the number state representatives for each state, I poured through all of the data and pulled out some of the stranger bits.

1)      80% of Americans find it difficult to eat just one chip

2)      22% of American men would love to have a vagina for a day

3)      Just 3% of American babies were able to complete the Census form. Well, it’s not really that 97% of U.S. babies couldn’t fill it out, they just chose not to. So, really, the stat should read: 97% of U.S. babies prefer shitting their pants over filling out government forms.

4)      82% of all census forms were returned with body fluid stains: 28% feces, 35% urine, 10% saliva, 20% semen, and 7% were stained with the semen of a census worker.

5)      17% of respondents didn’t really like Avatar, but thought it was entertaining nonetheless

6)      31% of U.S. citizens claimed they were about a 7 on the pain chart

7)      12% of U.S. men would keep their keys in their vaginas if they had a vagina for a day

8)      2% of Americans thought they were filling out one of those surveys at the bottom of Taco Bell receipts. Taco Bell location number 3387 in Duluth, Minnesota is apparently experiencing some kind of septic problem that it needs to address immediately.

9)      40% of Americans think the other 60% is dicks. The 60% of Americans that the other 40% think is dicks think the 40% is not dicks, but rather, just slightly dickish.

10)   1 guy in Wyoming still has not seen The Dark Knight.

11)   12% of Gary’s friends are pretty sure Gary is gay, but they don’t know how to brooch the subject. 87% of this 12% believe they should casually drop the question in during a night at the local bar, but 13% of the 12% think they shouldn’t even bring it up and allow Gary to come out when he’s ready. 100% of the 87% think the 13% is probably gay too.

12)   11% owes 78% twelve-dollars.

13)   Only 38% of census data is used to restructure districts to further subjugate minorities.

14)   Ladies, 24% of men want to fuck you. The other 76% want to fuck your friend.

15)   Men, your penis is 92% smaller than you claim it to be

16)   100% of professional athletes give 110% 100% of the time

17)   62% of men only want to put in the tip (25% of the penis)

18)   6.8 million Minorities moved out of big cities and in to smaller, more rural towns. 68% of the white people in these small, rural towns are thinking of buying a new shotgun.

19)   Only 12% of people believe that 60% of statistical information is wrong 100% of the time.

20)   2 respondents believe the word “Percent” refers to the smell of a woman’s handbag.