Tyra Banks Shows Real Hair; No One Cares

To celebrate the fact that she hasn’t been physically removed from television after five full years of being on the air despite publicly saying things like “I close my eyes while driving and just sing along. I always open them again in time” and “When I am full, I stop eating,” not to mention devoting whole episodes of her show to people who are vampires, Tyra Banks showed her real hair.  It’s OK, take a minute to compose yourself.

The hair, which can best be described as “on her head” was shown, reports began pouring in from around the globe of intestinal cramping, spontaneous contraction of Hitler AIDS and an elderly gentleman in Des Moines achieved an erection for the first time in 20 years which on its own isn’t that remarkable except that it wasn’t even his!

Tyra’s audience was thrilled at the revelation their hero’s head is not ensconced in a downy feather coat or some manner of non-slip bathmat as they’d always expected but actually grows a coarse, fur-like substance passingly similar to their own.  As evidenced in the video, it apparently only took a moderate amount of mood enhancing narcotics to get them all worked into a frenzy over another human’s hair, which is generally the sort of thing most of us couldn’t give two shits about.