Two Grown Men Fight Over a Stick

The human race is an inherently violent race. Yeah, we’re more civilized than, say, dogs or lions or any number of animals out there, but when it comes down to our animalistic instincts to protect our young, we’re all the same. Who knew that this idea would make itself apparent during a hockey game? Well, probably everyone. But how about in the stands?

For those that aren’t big on the hockey, the NHL has this little post-game fan service ceremony it likes to do where they rank the top three players of the game and they award them a star as if they were a kindergartner that made a totally awesome macaroni necklace. These stars are then tabulated at the end of the season and the player with the most stars gets a trophy of some sort.

That last part really doesn’t matter here. What does matter is the fact that at the end of each game the star players are paraded back on to the ice with a spotlight shining on them. And by “Paraded” we mean the players begrudgingly trot a couple of steps on to the ice, then make a mad dash back in to the locker room, where they can continue to not give a shit.

At the end of a recent game, Scott Niedermayer of the Anaheim Ducks was awarded a star, but instead of performing the usual trot on to the ice, Scott, out of the kindness of his heart, decided to give his stick to a young girl in the stands. As you can see in the video above, handing a human a bludgeoning weapon that was previously used by a person of notoriety — thereby, giving that weapon a certain degree of value – is the type of kind hearted gesture that looks good on paper, but when it’s practically applied it usually ends with someone screaming something about a lawsuit has they attempt to keep their barely attached eye back in their head.

So, as you saw, Niedermayer’s stick was supposed to go to the little girl, but an older gentleman made a grab for it. The older gentlemen then got his face rearranged by the girl’s enraged father.

And, like all great news stories, there is more to it than meets the eye. It turns out that the girl’s father, the one doing all the wild, animalistic punching, is skateboarder Mike Vallely. For those not familiar with the world of professional skateboarding, Mike Vallely is a man more known for his penchant for punching people’s brains straight in to parallel dimensions then he is for actually riding a skateboard.

We’re almost certain that the guy that got his ass beat is probably getting this video Emailed to him quite a bit right now.