Turkey Drop Festival For The Criminally Insane

Of all the states that are considered bastions and safe havens for the redneck and their ilk, Arkansas is widely considered to be the least redneck-y of the bunch. Of course, saying that is like saying skin cancer is less cancer-y than lung cancer. Cancer’s cancer, and a redneck state is a redneck state. This video proves that axiom beyond any shadow of a doubt.

The video was recorded during Yellville, Arkansas’s annual Turkey Drop Festival and National Turkey Call Contest. Fuck the turkey call contest part. This video is all about the turkey drop.

In a widely loved event that proves that when you live in a town where there’s nothing to do, using your imagination can occasionally be a terrible thing, planes sore over the town, dropping live turkeys as they pass. When the turkey hits the ground, it reaches a full understanding of just how fucked up humans can be, even though it’s a turkey and it can’t form a single cognitive thought.

Seeing as we have no idea how long the event has been going on, and seeing as we really don’t care to find out lest we discover out primal urge to segregate rednecks from the rest of society, we’re going to say that the event has been going on for hundreds of years, even before the advent of aviation technology. Town residents would simply launch turkeys out of medieval catapults and townsfolk would attempt to catch them in large nets as a way of simulating the unlikely event that God himself offered up a bountiful meal to a hungry town.

Like all great masterworks, there are many fine layers to this video. On the surface it may seem like it’s just wacky footage of a fairly cruel and insane rural event. But then, just when we reach that peak of shock to the event itself, a crazy redneck lady goes ape shit as he claims victory over the skydiving turkey.

Her primal screams of “HE’S MINE! HE’S MIIIIIIIIINE!!!” may seem like an overly enthusiastic reaction to something so utterly stupid, but they actually serve a much grander purpose. Believe it or not, she does it to make you feel better about the fact that you don’t live in Yellville, Arkansas.

After watching the video a few times, we are only left to wonder if, like the castaways on LOST, the residents of Yellville have been receiving theses periodic food drops for reasons that they do not understand. Perhaps to them, this is an annual event that occurs for no discernible reason other than the obvious one: Yellville is the island from LOST.