Traces of Cocaine Found On A Lot of Money

COCAINE! It’s great! If you’re feeling a little down in the dumps as you party with some foxy ladies in the hot tub of a 5-star hotel, just cram some of this magnificent white powered in to your head and let the good times roll. Of course, the discerning coke head will supply their own straw-like device for purposes of snorting. Bringing your own custom straw – be it metal, diamond studded, or of the McDonalds variety – lets other coke connoisseurs know that you’re addiction is to be taken seriously, and should be treated with dignity and respect.

But if you ever find yourself with a kilo of coke and a gaggle of naked whores and without your custom straw, then it will be your ability to improvise that will make a totally un-lasting impression on the aforementioned whores. All you have to do to make this un-lasting impression is roll up a dollar bill and go to town. It’s just that easy! Just ask the 85-90% of the US paper currency that contains traces of cocaine on it.

The smart people over at the American Chemical Society in Washington probably sat around one crazy Vegas weekend just snorting the Yay when a member of the team took a bump of someone’s ass with a 100 dollar bill (scientists are ballers), and a hypothesis was born.

After a lot of science stuff was performed on paper currency in several big US cities, researchers found that the money from Washington, D.C. is amount the nations coke-iest with 93% of its bank notes testing positive for cocaine – on par with economically ravaged cities like Detroit, and the always terrifying Baltimore.