Time Travelling to August 28, 2007

Google Trends is a beast and is responsible for so much of the content you see on the internet it’s not even funny.  Like celebrities who are famous for being famous, Trends covers things that are popular because they are popular.  If Trends was a person it’d be that girl who bought a pair of Uggs like 5 years after the fact and a pair of sweat pants with the word “Juicy” smeared across her ass like an anal flag of obscenity.  As an aside, if your ass is juicy, it means your sphincter is malfunctioning and you need to see a fucking doctor.

That aside, Trends is a fairly recent beast as well, but perhaps in years to come it will be a valuable tool to understand the people who once roamed the internet in search of hilarious videos of nut punches and full length features of a man with a vagina making love to a woman with a penis.  So in order to get a head start on this future brand of internet anthropology, FunnyCrave is starting the trend early and using he way back machine to visit two years ago to find out what our younger selves were Googling.

#5 –Queen Latifah movies were the 5^th hottest Trend of two years ago and that makes perfect sense because Queen Latifah is awesome.  Maybe we should do a feature on her in the near future.  But that’s not for today, that’s for later and today is for two years ago, when people wanted to know about Bringing Down the House and Taxi, starring Jimmy Fallon.  What’s that, you exclaim, whilst losing control of your bodily functions, soiling yourself with feces, urine, vomit and sexual lubricants, Jimmy Fallon and Queen Latifah made a film together?  Yes, they did.  And that’s why this was the 5^th most popular Trend of two years ago and why I am currently masturbating.

#4 – Gilda Radner takes the 4^th spot.  The former SNL star and the reason that Haunted Honeymoon is still one of the best films about haunted honeymoons ever died in 1989 but that’s no reason for her not to be the 4^th most popular search item of two years ago.  Maybe she came back from the dead that day to watch a Queen Latifah movie.

#3 – Jane Curtin edges out her SNL co-star at number 3.  Is it because she’s still alive?  Maybe.  Maybe people found out she murdered Gilda Radner.  Makes sense that it’d take 8 years to pin the crime on her, ovarian cancer is a really hard weapon to murder someone with.  Bet she didn’t expect the Zombie Radner to come back and try to watch Queen Latifah movies.

#2 – Cheng I Sao breaks the chain of people known to associate with SNL alumni in the second spot.  What’s a Cheng I Sao, you ask?  It’s a woman who was a pirate, a prostitute and an opium smuggler.  And also very likely the inspiration for Mistress Ching, one of the 9 pirate lords in Pirates of the Carri bean:  At World’s End.  Rock on with the hookers, Disney!

#1 – Safeway Homes was the big daddy Trend of two years ago.  Modular housing is hot as shit and it’s as true today as it was then, except it’s not true today because that shit wasn’t on Trends today.  You get the idea though.  August 28, 2007 was a slow ass news day.