Thoughts From Tila Tequila

If you’ve been following the “news” on Tila Tequila lately, after the death of her fiancée, and we’re sure you have, you may have taken a moment to think to yourself “Hmm, that’s queer.  I do believe this girl is as crazy as a shit house rat!” And brother, you wouldn’t be wrong.  Tila Tequila, who is famous for reasons not quantifiable by science, has not said or done anything that even approaches the border of making sense in ages.  In all likelihood, she’s either suffering a massive substance abuse problem, or she has severe and debilitating mental issues.  That’s not even a joke, that’s pretty much obvious.  However, given that no treatment seems forthcoming, it is our duty as internet comedians to riff on her mercilessly, because few people have ever begged so loudly and clearly for it.

Over the last few days, Tila has gone online and accused Nicky Hilton of trying to murder a dog, she’s claimed a dead woman was in a coma and, though we may be misinterpreting this, she seems to also be indicating that Casey Johnson’s ghost is following her around.  Oh, and while she grieves, she continues to pose for photos with no bra on.  She’s a class act.

With that in mind, and because Ms. Tequila is such a fan of expressing herself through the internet’s version of retarded brain farting (that’s Twitter for you new kids), let’s take a moment to peruse what we assume are going to be tweets from Tila sometime in the near future.

• OMG, there’s a glass chair full of water in this one room in the house!
• Hey guyz, love you, I have tits!
• I miss you so much baby, almost as much as I miss showing my tits to strangers
• Just showed my tits to strangers! Yay!
• @NickyHilton – stop eating my dog you bitch!
• There’s something in the cupboard called beans.  What a silly name
• I saw myself on TV and it was like looking into forever! What if I was looking back at me?!?!
• Why do they call it a fish tank, it’s not made for war?
• What if left was really right?
• I’ve never met a bird that could talk.  Ooh, I wonder if one has met me
• @HeathLedger – why don’t you return my messages?
• Is there VD in Heaven?
• Fish taco?  OMG, I get it!  LOL!
• I hate tax forms that ask for race; goblin is never a choice!
• Thank u for all your support guys, I have boobies!
• How come this glue smells like the first glue I tried?
• @ParisHilton – Can we reschedule my tutoring lesson today?  I got my head stuck in a banister!
• Why is it called anal?  Should be called buttal
• Calculus?  Is that like a robot or something?
• OMG, the letters on my keyboard are all in the alphabet!