The Tattooed Ass

Normally we like to keep things topical around here, but every so often you learn something timeless and fantastic and of such great importance that it must be shared.  This is one of those occasions.  This is about a tattooed asshole.

Porn star Adrenalynn has a tattoo around her ass.  Is that news?  Yes and no.  Yes, in that have you ever heard of anything like that in your life?  No in that yes, it is.

The world of the tattoo is an old one – native peoples used to use sharpened sticks and just pound that shit into their skin to make patterns.  In fact, you can still get those traditional tattoos here and there.  Modern tattoos have a sordid history of bad ideas and douchebaggery, but also provide many people the opportunity for poorly scripted Chinese and Japanese calligraphy that says gibberish, fairies, shitty barb-wire arm bands and kick ass flaming skulls.  But never has the idea of an asshole tattoo ever presented itself to anyone until now.  Probably.

The closest you could ever come in the past to an asshole tattoo was any brave soul who would tattoo a W on each ass cheek so they could bend over, spread it and spell “wow” which, we admit, is cool, but man.  Man!  An asshole tattoo.

If any of you have tattoos, you may be aware of just how little you probably want a tattoo on your asshole.  Not everyone believes tattoos are painful but everyone is different and likely they’re more painful to some than others.  However, everyone’s asshole could probably do without a series of needles in it, which is what makes this triumph of human artistry so significant.  How and why do you tattoo an asshole?

People have previously tattooed their genitals, lips, tongues, eyelids and insides of their mouth.  The asshole was pretty much the final frontier in tattooing and it has been accomplished.  This is like landing on Mars, or discovering that someone who works at the Disney Channel has a soul.  Humanity has just silently leaped forward.

Ladies and gentleman, salute this tattooed asshole, it represents the hopes and dreams of generations.  It’s Manifest Destiny.  It’s evolution.  This asshole is humanity at its finest.