The Most Useless Machine Ever

We often find ourselves buying crap that seemed like a good idea at the time. That slap chop sure seemed great for those first few diced onions, but then it quickly got crammed in to the 7th ring of dusty shelf hell. That Snuggie seemed like it was going to solve all of your lethargic needs, but the level of idiocy you felt sweeping over you while you wore it was insurmountable — so you folded it neatly and tucked it away nicely atop the nearest roaring gasoline fire.

The point is, we have a weird propensity for thinking some new and improved wounder gadget will be the end-all-be-all of our problems. We buy in to the adds we watch and we truly believe that these products will make use better people, when, really, they just end up being a part of a large failure pile in a garage or closet.

This is why the product above is so wonderful. It’s a breath of fresh air. Finally, a product that tells you it’s useless, because it is complete useless. Where it may take a few weeks to realize that you don’t actually need something like a tiny Japanese garden, it only takes a micro-second to realize that a product billed as “The Most Useless Machine Ever” is exactly that.

Yet, even though we at Funny Crave are fully aware that this…thing…has no function whatsoever, other than being the physical manifestation of self-defeatism, we’re giving some serious consideration to following the building instructions to a T just so we can have about seven of these hanging around the office.