The Most Bestest Beard You’ll Ever See. Ever.

Today’s little bit of jaw-dropping manliness comes to us from the 1991 National Beard and Mustache Championship that was held in Tacoma, Washington.

As you can also see in the video…oh…wait…you probably didn’t see it because your eyes jumped out of your skull when they were graced by the presence of the single greatest piece of facial hair ever grown by a mortal man. In that case, let us describe to you, or rather, let us confirm for you, what your eyes captured a brief glimpse of just before they decided that they were not worthy of seeing such an awesome sight.

Soon after the host of the competition delivers his very bland and monotone introduction of the man that we now considered to be the mythical God of Testosterone, we realize that perhaps his intro was all a ruse. Maybe he wasn’t just being boring because he is boring. We realize that he was simply lowering our levels of expectation, so when we saw the Testosterone God, the man named Dean Beacon, our breath would be taken from us as if we had been randomly punched in the lungs.

When you finally see Dean Beacon, your brain instantly recognizes the sheer power of his facial hair, and responds in kind by propelling your eyes from your head. It’s a natural reaction to seeing something as majestic as Dean Beacon’s beard, or more specifically, seeing a beard that has been crafted in to a cage that encloses the wear’s (Beacon’s) head, and even has a little doorway for easy mouth access.

The moral of the video above is that if you are having a hard time growing facial hair, pray to Dean Beacon, because even God’s powers have their limits.