The Lost Then Found Then Collected Works Of David WeatherburgBy Luis Prada
Throughout much of his life, David Weatherburg wanted to be considered the type of man that needed no introduction. He never accomplished this, so a great deal of introduction is necessary in order to familiarize audiences with David’s unparalleled displays of below substandard work. Sadly, most of this great deal is dull, pock-marked with moments of humdrumary. Needless to say, we won’t be getting in to that mess.
But if one had to separate David Weatherburg the man from David Weatherburg the author, one would discover that there really wasn’t much to discover. While David kept many friends, none of them could ever remember David was a part of their hijinks-filled tales of debauchery and general silliness. At parties, David’s go-to anecdote was about his left armpit’s inability to stink. For as much wonder as he recounted the tale of his armpit’s stink deficiency, it never exceeded the status of the “Yeaaaaaah, aaaanyway…” conversational transition.
Though, these are merely the minute details of David’s life. To best understand David Weatherburg one must experience him through his work.
Thankfully, David’s vast collection of notes, lists (both of the To Do and Goals To Achieve variety), boredom-induced scribblings, printed E-mail exchanges, and barely written short stories have finally been collected after they were thought to have been lost in David’s great, barely noticed move to the Meadows Grove apartment complex in 2003, in which a box labeled “Crap” and it’s less-than-precious compendium of far-less-than scholarly works fell in to a canal and stayed in there for a few unnoticed minutes before David fished it out, ruining his new Nikes in the process.
Now that his original tomes have been preserved, remastered, and have been wiped clean of their various sediment stains, the world can once again experience his aimless, disjointed words that are in desperate search of an idea to latch upon.
Entry #1179 – “How I would talk to that girl if she talked to me first”, as written on the back of an Arby’s receipt.
Me: Hey, you’re looking good, girl.
Girl: You’re not looking too bad there yourself, fella.
Me: Listen, how ‘bout you and I bounce out of this joint and make a mess of my bedroom?
She has a boyfriend. Never mind.
To Do Once I Lose Weight:
1) Get girlfriend.