The Friday Fail – The Chaaanning Shooooow!

Allow me to add a new rule to the world of internet video making: unless you’re a professional with years of training under your belt, never, ever stream yourself live for the entire internet to see… unless you’re planning to do weird stuff to yourself with one hand, while using the other to type out winking emoticons to people in chat rooms after they tell you to cram fresh produce in to your birth canal.

Poor little Channing here was only trying to bring some light in to the seedy, dirty world of the internet as she urged viewers to put on a stuffed animal dog show. But, you see, the internet…it has a deviant mind of its own. It knows when you’re trying to be sweet and innocent. It knows that you’re trying to spread joy and merriment. It knows that you’re just a little girl playing with her toys in front of a webcam, and it knows you’re not planning to do anything dirty with them.

The internet wants garbage. It wants filth. It wants people to get kicked in the nuts. It wants shit to fall on peoples’ heads with no warning.

If the internet doesn’t get what it wants, it will set the wheels of disaster in motion. Worst of all, you will never see it coming. Sure, you may be able to get away with making one or two videos where you neither kick a dude in the nuts or have sex with a person with some kind of deformity, but one day, the internet will find you…AND IT WILL DROP A THING ON YOUR HEAD AT AN IN-OPPORTUNE MOMENT!!