The American Apparel Ass Contest

Perhaps you’ve heard of American Apparel, they’re a company that makes clothing.  But mostly that’s just a side job.  Their main job is bullshit.  Sweet, I-can’t-believe-someone-fell-for-this bullshit.  Sure they have stores all over the world and are the largest clothing manufacturer in the US (despite being founded by a Canadian), and they’ve been around for over 20 years but all of that was leading up to this one great coup of awesome.  Of bullshit.  Of ass.

American Apparel wants to see your ass.  They actually have a contest on their website right now where people just like you can take a photo of your ass and post it online.  On their site, not a porn site.  And the goal is to find the nicest ass in the world.  And this isn’t a joke or a scam.  However, in light of the numerous high profile sexual harassment lawsuits that have been brought against the company, it’s kind of funny in a perverse way.

The point of the contest is to make your ass the new spokes-ass of American Apparel gitch.  Your ass could sell underwear to millions, isn’t that something?  Or at leats that’s what the contest details claim.  On the other hand, it also seems to be a brilliant way, involving no effort whatsoever, to get potentially thousands and thousands of pictures of ass sent to you and to actually spend your entire work day looking at pictures of ass, and still be considered a good employee.  Maybe even dedicated if you spend extra time at work.

Some months back, the idea was bandied about the office here to runt he FunnyCrave Best Boobs on the Internet contest, whereby we’d invite our loyal female readers, and then dudes who knew where to find pics of women, to send us pictures of boobs.  And in a purely business-like fashion, we’d decide which ones were best and those boobs would get to be posted on our lunch room wall next to the fridge.  Or maybe even on the fridge if we get some more magnets.  The winner would also get our sincere gratitude and maybe some canned goods or whatever we could muster as a prize.  It seemed like a winner on paper until someone pointed out how utterly hopeless such a plan would be because who in their right mind would send boobs pictures to a website to be part of some bogus contest?  Well, now we know.  Thank you, American Apparel.

In light of American Apparel’s pioneering efforts in the field of bullshit and smut, we’re totally opening up the FunnyCrave Best Boobs on the Internet Contest.  Please, email us your entries to fortey@gmail.com and we’ll totally try our best to get some canned goods together for you.  At the very least you’ll receive our sincere gratitude and be immortalized on what is arguably the greatest comedy site called FunnyCrave in the history of mankind.