The 5 Most Lopsided Sports Brawls of All Time

Who doesn’t love a good sports brawl?  Wanton violence has the unprecedented ability to make even the lamest of contests incredibly awesome for a few moments.  Usually, a sports brawl doesn’t amount to much more than a bunch of missed punches and awkward wrestling moves.  Other times, this happens…

Mike Tyson Streetfights Mitch Green

Not of all of it is intelligible, but as the video above clearly shows, Mitch Green really wanted a shot at Mike Tyson.  So much so that he called him a homo, which he immediately followed up with “sosee blue sublimination” or something like that.  It was probably the “homo” part that riled Tyson up.  Green’s horrible decision making paid off and, eventually, he got the fight.  He even put up a respectable showing, taking an in-his-prime Iron Mike all the way to a decision.  It was a great fight, but that’s not what we’re here to talk about.

After that first fight, Green felt he deserved a rematch.  When he heard Tyson was in his neighborhood doing a little late night shopping, Mitch decided to track down the champ and demand his rematch in person.  Things got ugly.  Then this happened.

That’s Mitch Green’s eye after being punched so hard by Tyson it actually broke Iron Mike’s hand.  Damn!  It’s one thing to absorb a Tyson uppercut when everyone is wearing protective gloves and fight doctors are on hand to make sure you don’t go into convulsions on the spot, but clearly, taking one of those blows Jack Johnson style (that means no gloves, kids) is a completely different kind of awful.  No wonder Robin Givens divorced him.  For all intents and purposes, this public beating ended Green’s career.  He did fight a few more times, but after this ridiculousness, nobody gave a shit.  On the bright side, a jury eventually awarded Green $45,000 in a civil suit against Tyson, probably after seeing pictures of that exploded eye.

Ohio State Center Takes a Knee to the Groin

January 23rd, 1972 was a bad day for Ohio State center Luke Witte.  With 36 seconds left in a game against the Minnesota Golden Gophers, Witte was fouled hard while driving to the basket.  But the hard fouls didn’t end there.  After Witte fell to the ground, Minnesota’s Corky Taylor rushed over to help him to his feet.  Taylor then proceeded to violate Man Law #1, thou shalt not knee another man in the nuts.

Above: grainy footage of some fucked up shit.

After a brief moment where the cameras follow the ensuing melee, the shot returns to Luke Witte being stomped on.

Above: grainy footage of things going from bad to worse

Sure, it’s mostly lopsided because there is a whole lot of dirty dancing going on, but still, in the space of about 30 seconds, Luke Witte was sent crashing to the hard floor, kneed in the jewels and stomped in the head.  He never stood a chance.  If the man narrating the video is to be believed, many people consider this incident to be one of the darkest moments in college basketball history.  At least until that one time when Tenessee coach Bruce Pearl decided he should be rapping.

Juan Marichal vs. John Roseboro

August 22, 1965 was a tense day.  The Dodgers and Giants were embroiled in a heated pennant race.  Knockdown pitches and close calls abounded.  So close, in fact, that even Dodgers catcher John Roseboro got in on the act.

“When Marichal came up to bat, I tried a knockdown from behind the plate, throwing the ball close to his nose when I returned it to the pitcher,” recalled Roseboro. “I expected Marichal to attack me in some way. If he had said anything to me, I had studied karate, and I was ready to annihilate him.”

Juan Marichal didn’t know karate, but he did know crazy.  After a second Roseboro throw came close to his face, he pounded the catcher in the head with his bat.  The blow opened a gash on Roseboro’s head that required 14 stitches.  Marichal was fined $1,750 which, if our math is correct, is approximately $5,000,000 in old timey money.

Nolan Ryan vs. Robin Ventura

It’s at this point in the article that we should point out that this list is not presented in any particular order.  Upon reading the title, you, as a sports fan, almost certainly thought “Nolan Ryan vs. Robin Ventura.”  Seeing as how it’s not the last entry, you’ll probably want to take to the comments and say something like “NOLAN RYAN #1!!!1!!  FTW!  EPIC FAIL!”  Well, relax.  As you’ll soon see, deciding a number one here would be nearly impossible.

At any rate, if you don’t know the back story here, it goes something like this.  During a game against the Chicago White Sox, Nolan Ryan hit Robin Ventura with a pitch.  Ventura decided to hit Nolan Ryan back.  With a fist.  Instead, Ventura got hit again, except this time, instead of being hit with a 98 mph fastball, he was hit with a headlock and several blows to the face and head.

Unfortunately, because of Major League Baseball’s Prince-like stranglehold on any MLB related video being posted on the internet, actual footage of the melee is hard to come by.  With that said, head here and enjoy the violence while you can.  We highly doubt that the video was posted with the express written consent of Major League Baseball, so it should vanish in no time.  And while we’re on the subject of videos that will vanish soon, those of you that credit Nolan Ryan with being the biggest badass in baseball history on the basis of his performance against Robin Ventura should remember one thing.  He didn’t fare nearly as well against Dave Winfield.

Pedro Martinez vs. Don Zimmer

Yeah!  Now what, Nolan Ryan fans?  Forgot about this shit, yeah?  Game 3 of the 2003 American League Championship Series was quite possibly the most raucous affair in baseball history since “Disco Destruction Night” at Comiskey Park back in the 70’s.  Pedro Martinez was throwing so dirty he hit Yankee Karim Garcia in the back.  The back!  Tim Robbins’ control in Bull Durham wasn’t even that bad.

Later in the game, Manny Ramirez (playing for the Red Sox at the time) took exception to a close-to-his-dome pitch by Roger Clemens (probably jacked up on steroids at the time, just like Manny Ramirez) and charged the mound.  In the ensuing borderline riot, 943 year old Yankees bench coach Don Zimmer stormed out of the dugout, swung at Pedro Martinez, missed, and was immediately thrown to the ground by the 32 year old pitcher.  Face first, no less.

Was it wrong of Martinez to defend himself so hilariously against such an old man?  Was Zimmer in the wrong for throwing a punch?  Sure, whatever.  All we really care about is that the people at FunnyOrDie.com turned the situation into this awesome video.