Terrible: Burger King Fears Bare Baby Feet; Worse: CNN HLN’s Coverage Of The Story
By Luis Prada
What in the Holy Hell happened to news reporting? It’s not a new observation; in fact, it’s an observation that is getting pretty old by now. But regardless of how many times we hear it, it just keeps happening. More and more each day you can find newsmen and women travel far beyond simply framing or slanting a story one way or another by, instead, straight up telling you how you should think and feel. Most of the times it happens with headline news – Politics, usually – but other times it happens with a story about a woman that was kicked out a Burger King because her baby’s feet were exposed to the horrors of the polluted wasteland that is a Burger King restaurant.
Problems with this coverage:
1) “Feet Fiasco” — Really? The great Chicago fire, now that was a fiasco. A baby being kicked out of a BK due to a lack of footwear is a blunder; a farce at best. Although, seeing as the word could have easily been slid in to the discussion due to its similar meaning, “fiasco” could have been replaced with “miscarriage,” thus framing the story in a much different light.
2) “Are you kidding me? Everybody loves baby feet! They’re cute! They’re Awesome!” – No. The universe is awesome. The Grand Canyon is awesome. When we one day invent time travel, that shit will be awesome. If you stand in awe at the imposing yet majestic sight of baby feet — perhaps, shedding a single tear as you suddenly feel like a lesser being – then kill yourself now because if you find out stars are actually celestial bodies floating in space instead of sunshine poking through the holes of a large blanket in the sky, then you’ll have an aneurism that will ripple effect through your entire bloodline.
3) “This guy is just a moron!” “You and I will argue about just about anything, but not on this one.” – No sane person would argue the intelligence level of the man that kicked the mother and child out. I’m pretty sure the baby figured that one out itself, and that thing merrily poops on its own genitalia. There really isn’t a need to spell out the stupidity in this situation, sirs.
4) New Rule: Don’t let random viewers call in and give an opinion during a live newscast. When you do that you open yourself up to the realization that your job can be performed by literally anyone, and probably with much more enlightening commentary. That, or you have to fend off lunatics that call being barefoot in a Burger King “Insane,” and treat the situation as if the baby’s punishment was to become Burger King menu item.
