Oh, Paris, you wonky-eyed drunk.  You so crazy.  Getting arrested for cocaine in Vegas, walking around sans panties like it ain’t no thing.  Pretty much everything you do is the opposite of what I do, but I can’t judge because you always look like you’re having a good time and I always look like I’ve got a tension headache brewing betwixt my eyebrows.  So keep doing your thing, Par.  Just don’t OD and end up in that skanky nightclub in the sky.

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The indie rock girlfriend.  Who doesn’t lust after that idea?  The though of settling down to a life of heroin abuse and borderline inept guitar riffs with some thrift store outfitted beauty is enough to make most any man quit his day job and start painting for a living.  This year’s indie rock girlfriend of choice is Alison Mosshart.  She’s the lead singer of two ridiculously awesome bands, The Kills and the Jack White side project The Dead Weather.  She’s also pretty damn beautiful.  See for yourself.

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Rachael Leigh Cook.  Remember her?  She was in Josie and the Pussycats.  She beat the shit out of a kitchen with a frying pan in that anti-drug commercial.  We have it on good information that she may have been in a few episodes of Dawson’s Creek.  But what happened?  Aside from doing some voice work on Robot Chicken, can you name the last place you saw Rachael Leigh Cook?  Neither can we.  And that’s a pity, because hot like this should not wallow in obscurity.

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So, we check Google Trends from time to time, because, like, we sometimes try to write about stuff people care about.  Without fail, there isn’t a day that goes by that the internet isn’t buzzing about some stupid reality show actress or show. Judging from the gallery of former reality show contestants below, it makes perfect sense.

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Ummmm, are women and children really looking for this kind of help?  I mean, I guess if it means that much to them I can pitch in with some verbal abuse or something.  But it’s going to be really awkward for me.  At first anyway.