Spring Break + Alcohol + Giant Sea Side Cliff = Fail

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High school theater is a curious thing.  Like hobo cuisine or media ethics, you can put the words together but somehow the end result rings a little hollow.  Still, people try, so why not cook yourself up a dead rat in a spiced Thunderbird reduction and enjoy 1:49 of Greenport High School’s Peter Pan.

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We are not continuing this article.  Bet even Sylvia Browne didn’t see that coming, on account of she’s not a psychic.  She’s a fraud.  You know how it is.

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If you keep abreast of dirty, dirty frauds then you’re well aware of Sylvia Browne, something of a harpy-like psychic who frequently appears on Montel Williams and Larry King, bringing false hope to people who don’t know any better and generally ruining people’s lives.  Brown claims she can talk to angels and spirits and so on.  Her track record is abysmal, however, despite the fact she’ll charge you hundreds of dollars for her time.

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by Chuck Farnsworth, Host of the syndicated radio program,Totally Real Exposé

Last week, I had a chance to sit down with a big-time internet celebrity. Her name is Melissa Sander, and she was once an up-and-coming fluff-piece reporter for a local TV station called MyFox Atlanta. Then ‘it’ happened, and she was christened the ‘Grape Lady‘.

Alas, history does not record whether the impending disaster was signaled by an ill omen or augury. What we do know is that she was on a job that seemed like any other. Semblances, it would seem, were in this case misleading.

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Ah, the life of an underappreciated 3^rd rate college mascot. Oh, so dreadful. Not only are you at all times the most easily mocked person within 1,000 feet of the sporting event at hand, but if the apocalyptic shit were to hit the fan for whatever reason, you would be the one everyone eats first. The fact that most of the time you’re dressed like an animal doesn’t help much, either.

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Some pranks involve elaborate set ups with intricately plotted events and occurrences that lead to the triggering of an elegantly complex contraption, which infects the prank’s subject with small molecules of shame and embarrassment.

Others involve calling a guy in to a room, then hurting his dick. Hard. Hard dick hurting.

Today’s fail certainly falls in to the latter category.

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