Today will mark the official death of the experiment to bridge the divide between the left and the right in America, as the 12-member super committee that was formed to work out a debt reduction deal will announce that the past few months they’ve spent working on a deal has produced the exact same number of world-saving ideas as I have come up with in the same amount of time: zero. But, to be fair to myself, a couple of weeks ago I did come up with an idea for some badass van art, featuring a dragon with big tits punching Zeus as he rides a motorcycle made of souls. (The motorcycle also has big tits). It may not exactly be “world-saving”, but did you hear of the super committee walking out of a 10 hour meeting with some badass van art sketches? Nope! You didn’t. Therefore, I am better than the super committee.
We understand that football is a big deal to you. Everybody likes it when the school football team wins, and is upset when the coach moves on, and is fired.
On the other hand, let’s stop and consider in the middle of your rioting over Joe Paterno’s firing how, precisely, this looks to the rest of America, which doesn’t care about your football team and is not a big fan of ten-year-old boys getting molested, mkay? Continue Reading
We’ve never scored a touchdown. Not a single one. So we can’t imagine the sense of euphoria that must come over a person when they do. That’s why we have such a problem with the recent crackdowns on end zone celebrations. If a man needs to dance, you let him dance.
With that said, there is a plus side to the league’s stricter celebration policy. Sometimes, celebrations go horribly awry. When that happens, someone is usually on hand with a video camera to make sure nobody ever forgets about it. If the players can’t celebrate, they can’t make asses of themselves while celebrating. Kind of like these idiots did…
High school theater is a curious thing. Like hobo cuisine or media ethics, you can put the words together but somehow the end result rings a little hollow. Still, people try, so why not cook yourself up a dead rat in a spiced Thunderbird reduction and enjoy 1:49 of Greenport High School’s Peter Pan.
We are not continuing this article. Bet even Sylvia Browne didn’t see that coming, on account of she’s not a psychic. She’s a fraud. You know how it is.
If you keep abreast of dirty, dirty frauds then you’re well aware of Sylvia Browne, something of a harpy-like psychic who frequently appears on Montel Williams and Larry King, bringing false hope to people who don’t know any better and generally ruining people’s lives. Brown claims she can talk to angels and spirits and so on. Her track record is abysmal, however, despite the fact she’ll charge you hundreds of dollars for her time.
