Suing Over Vanity Searches Can Only Lead to Articles Like This

Suing a massive company like Yahoo! is rarely a good idea.  Unless, like, you slipped on a spill in their lobby or something.  Stuff like that is usually settled pretty quickly.  But suing because you don’t like the results that are returned when you search for your own name?  Horrible idea.  Just ask Beverly Stayart.

Beverly sued the internet giant for trademark violations, claiming that she is the only Beverly Stayart on the internet and search results that pointed to things like internet porn sites, online pharmacies and spyware represented a misuse of the “professional value” of her name.

Naturally, the presiding judge dismissed her case.  In their defense, Yahoo stated that they do not control what third party sites post and don’t censor the information provided.  We believe that, because how else would you explain that the search engine we’re currently developing, Yahooo (still in beta), hasn’t been shut down yet?  Seriously, all it does is take whatever someone searches for, runs it through the real Yahoo, and then returns those search results with thumbnail pictures of otters next to them (hence the extra “o” in the name).  You’d think they’d have a problem with that.  They’re clearly a very understanding company.

We use this picture at least once per week.

Anyway, the point is, this lawsuit was a horrible idea.  Prior to the lawsuit, we didn’t know and wouldn’t have cared if Beverly Stayart is a porn star.  But now, should our humble site ever make its way in the cutthroat world of search engines, people who search for her name will very likely see the phrase “Beverly Stayart is a porn star.” Why?  Because she sued Yahoo, we decided to write about it, and in writing about it, we stated our ambivalence toward finding out that Beverly Stayart is a porn star. Which she’s not, apparently, but shit, we just did it again.  Just to set the record straight, Beverly Stayart is a porn star is not a true statement, we don’t think.

You know, even if we were to search Yahoo and find that Beverly Stayart hates children and the elderly, we still wouldn’t have cared.  Because prior to this news, we didn’t care about Beverly Stayart and would not have cared if Beverly Stayart once got busy in a Burger King bathroom.  For all we knew, it could have come to pass that Beverly Stayart is currently dating Carrot Top and is pregnant with his redheaded spawn.  It wouldn’t have mattered, we never would have known.  That’s the trouble with lawsuits, sometimes, they bring unwanted attention.  Sure, the world now knows that  Beverly Stayart is not currently active in the internet porn industry.  But at what cost?