When I was 12-years-old, I was an idiot. I haven’t gotten much smarter since then. But at the age of 12, I was an even bigger idiot than I am now, and I also was in possession of a lighter I stole from Spencer’s Gifts. It was a knock-off Zippo with a picture of woman’s ass on it. That’s the kind of thing you steal when you’re 12. I never used the lighter for anything other than melting plastic sandwich bags.

One day, my lighter ran out of lighter fluid, as lighters are one to do. I took the initiative and decided to fill my lighter with fluid, because those plastic sandwich bags weren’t going to melt themselves.

This is the story of what happened when I tried to re-fill the lighter.

Me: “Hey, my lighter with a picture of a lady’s thong-ed ass on it needs to be filled with lighter fluid so I can go back to melting plastic sandwich bags!”

Lighter: “I need fluids!”

Me: “Alright, well, I’ll just take the lighter a part…and now I’ll squeeze the lighter fluid in to the lighter aaaaand…”

Lighter: “Be careful, there…”

Me: “Oh, no! I got lighter fluid all over my hand! I should be very careful as to not spark the lighter right now! That would be dangerous!”

Lighter: “Wait! Nooooooo!!”

0.7 Seconds Later

Fin