Sometimes Using A Baby As A Shield Is Your Only Option

Babies are perhaps the finest form of protection. If you want to go about your day acting like an asshole to everyone around you, all you have to do is carry a baby and no one will even think about punching you. That baby might get harmed. Nobody wants to be responsible for punching a baby in the face. That’s just one of those unwritten rules of life right next to “Never tase a baby.” Jorge Garcia from Volusia County, Florida knows better than anyone that holding a baby is basically like having diplomatic immunity.

On New Year’s morning, while most of us were trying to sleep off the 17 tequila shots from the night before, Jorge was just leaving his all night party when local sheriffs got word that Jorge may be in possession of an illegal fire arm. When the officers attempted to arrest Jorge, the crowd he was rolling with got rowdy. To pacify the situation, the sheriffs pulled out their tasers. In response, Jorge pulled out a baby and used it as a shield.

Notice how we said “a baby,” and not “his baby.” Jorge reached in to a car and randomly grabbed someone else’s infant and proceeded to use it as a means of protection from a gun that fires electrodes. Thankfully, the cops did not fire on the baby – which would have taken this story to a whole other level of insanity and hilarity.  Thankfully, for the sake of the situation’s hilarity, the article we’re pulling this from goes on to say this…

“Witnesses said he screamed at law enforcement to tase the baby”

On the surface, this just seems like actions of a man that clearly has no moral fiber – a man that will sink as low as possibly to survive. A real scum-sucker. But what do we know? The story is short and it’s missing all manner of detail. What if the baby deserved a tasing? What if it was some kind of demon baby that had been terrorizing these people since its inception? Maybe the baby would, every once in a while, stare hypnotically and force Jorge to do things. Things like carry an illegal fire arm. We know it’s a controversial stance, but we’re siding with Jorge on this one. For all we know, that baby could be the Antichrist.

It doesn’t matter now, though. The baby was safely removed from Jorge’s hands and he was tased anyway. A happy ending for all.