Scientists Photoshop “Perfect” Pet, Cancer Still Exists

Some people that just don’t understand the world of science tend to complain that scientists spend inordinate amounts of money to study inane things that will not help the human race. Science hating people of earth, this is simply not true. There have been plenty of instances where a research in one subject or field led to an innovation in another. For example, if it weren’t for Americans propping up their weakened hearts with milkshakes and Big Macs, pharmaceutical company Pfizer wouldn’t have attempted to create a pill to quell symptoms of hypertension. Of course, all plans for this miracle heart pill were scrapped when Pfizer realized that the pill gave you massive boners, instead. Thus, Viagra was born.

But even with great scientific advancements stemming from various fields and sprouting in others, there is some scientific work that is too stupid to explain. Take this horror show to the left.

Meet Max. Max is an amalgamation of various portions of different animals that a group of 2,000 questioners stated were their favorite animal traits. Thankfully, Max is not real. I say “Thankfully” because if he were real then this article would be more of a call to arms, and I would be rallying you – my troops – to eradicate this abomination ASAP.

Max has the ears of a rabbit, face of a cat, body of a golden retriever, tail of a horse, and a soulless heart that cares not for your pathetic whimpering and pleas of mercy.

Max also “has high energy levels, loves daily walks and sleeps for an average of nine hours 27 minutes a day.” In other words, Max is as physically fit and has disciplined as an Army Ranger.

Max had better stay fake. I really don’t feel like killing animals, but damn it, I will if I have to.