Sarah Palin Signs Contract With Fox News. “No Shit,” Says Sherlock.

You know how you’ll see a bunch of commercials for a movie, but you never actually watch the movie? Then after a while you just assume that the movie had made it to DVD. But then you see a commercial for the DVD months after you thought that and you think, “Hm, I could have sworn it was already on DVD.”

That’s exactly what Sarah Palin signing a contract with Fox News is like.

We all instinctively knew she was going to give up those hopes of becoming the next big blockbuster summer movie, but nobody wanted to see her other than her fervent base of deranged obsessive’s. So to capitalize on something before her entire run becomes a wash, she got sent straight to DVD where she can become a cult favorite among those that truly love the movie and those that truly love terrible, terrible movies.

Wow, that movie metaphor was taken far.

Anyway, with Sarah Palin and Mike Huckabee both having shows on Fox, don’t you think it’s time for Fox to drop the whole “Fair and Balanced” thing? Because if they still consider themselves “fair and balanced” we would really like to know who’s on the other side of the seesaw that’s making it so “balanced.” On one end you have Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity, Bill O’Reily, the entire Fox and Friends crew, Brett Baier, Neil Cavuto, the aforementioned Mike Huckabee, and a series of angry blond girls. On the other end you have…uh…well…I mean…yeah, you’ve got…uh, Sheppard Smith? Or, you know what? Yeah, you’ve also got the phrase “Fair and balanced” on that side because, I mean, why would they call themselves fair and balanced if they weren’t actually fair and balanced? That would be, like, false advertizing and stuff…right?

At this point, Fox might as well rename themselves “Right Wing Cluster Fuck” because “news” is certainly not what they’re in the business of giving you. The only way you can even begin to consider them objective, upstanding journalists is if you lobotomize yourself with a silly straw.