Roxxxy Robot Girl Friend Just Wants to Talk

You know what’s hotter than a hunk of motionless plastic that’s got a series of holes ergonomically designed to comfortably fit your schlong? One that talks to you like a dead body in a stress dream a couple nights after your first murder.

The engineers over at the New Jersey company TrueCompanion have been slaving away trying to create the world’s first sex robot, and they think they may have finally done it. The doll’s name is Roxxy, and man, oh man, can she…make pleasant conversation?

Roxxxy has the look of your run of the mill sex doll – kind of a cross between a half-naked woman frozen in carbonite and a celebrity getting photographed by TMZ moments after they were caught taking a leak in an alley – but she’s smart. She can sense when you touch various parts of her body, and she talks back to you accordingly.

As the AP story we’re pulling this from says, “The level of sophistication demonstrated was not beyond that of a child’s talking toy.” To put that in to terms we can all understand, basically, you’re having sex with a retarded person – an underage one, at that. Isaac Asimov is rolling over in his grave and probably extremely pissed that he didn’t write a rule to prevent humans from banging robots that are as smart as a Barbie with a voice chip in to his Three Laws of Robotics.

Now, where this new sex doll technology is all well and good, but what really caught our eye is the history behind Roxxxy. Douglas Hines, the creator of Roxxxy, was inspired to build her after a friend of his died in the 9/11 terror attacks. His goal was to preserve his friend’s personality in a machine so his children could one day get to know their father in some shape or form. Color us paranoid, but we’ve seen one hell of a lot of shitty sci-fi movies in our time, and they all start off with a well-intentioned scientist that just wanted to fill some kind of emotional hole in his or someone else’s heart –but ended up creating an army of sex dolls that that rape and murder humans on a regular basis as they feed off the high levels of electrical energy given off by our genitals during sex.

The extra weird part is Hines’ jump from preserving his friend’s personality for his family to enjoy…to sex doll. Now, we really don’t want to speculate on Hines’ intentions here, especially considering the sad background of this story…but fuck it, we’re a comedy site and this shit is funny. Did Hines want to fuck his friend, but instead decided to try and fuck a robot version of his friend?

Creepy.