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JAY-Z ILLUMINATI: A slew of videos are making the rounds on YouTube, and what they claim is shocking.  Jay-Z, one of the biggest stars on earth, is actually a member of the Illuminati, a secret society with its sights set on enslaving the world.  Generally speaking, unless the information is coming from a reputable source, Wikipedia or 4Chan for example, I take information I find on the internet with a grain of salt.  But I have to admit, after watching some of the videos, I found myself intrigued.  So, I decided to do a little more research.  What I uncovered may surprise you.  Prepare to have your mind blown.

The Symbols

Like any good secret, keeping it from everyone else is only fun if you can flirt with the danger of it being exposed.  You know, like playing footsie under the table with your wife’s friend that you’ve been covertly banging for the last six months.  As awesome as the thought of it is, a bunch of world leaders playing footsie with Satan under an Applebee’s dinner table just isn’t feasible.  Satan has MTV shows to write.  He’s busy.  Instead, the Illuminati just slap their sacred symbols on any and everything they can and then laugh when conspiracy theory fanboys salivate over them on message boards the world over.  Examples of Jay-Z embedding a number of these symbols in his public activity are numerous.  To see an exhaustive display of Jay-Z (along with Kanye West, Nas and Beyonce) rocking these symbols, you could watch the video below.  Or…

if you don’t have eight minutes to kill, just let me sum it up for you.

The Pyramid

The pyramid is an important Illuminati symbol.  According to this dawn of the internet era site, it has something to do with calling up occult activity.  It’s like the Illuminati’s version of the Scientology e-meter.  As the video above points out…

Jay

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Z

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loves

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pyramids

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Ha!  I’m totally referring to his nose in that last picture!  That might be a bit racist…if it wasn’t for all the EVIL!  What’s that?  It’s going to take more than a propensity for flashing triangle shaped hand signs to convince you that Jay Hova hopes to rule the world by way of a one world government someday?  Somebody’s a pessimist!  Luckily for you, there’s more.  Read on.

The Skull and Bones

Skull and Bones, a secretive society made up of Ivy League graduates, really does exist.  It is rumored to be intrinsically linked to Freemasonry and the Illuminati.  Jay-Z never went to an Ivy League school, but his Rocawear clothing line did make this t-shirt.  Why?

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Because it’s kind of awesome?

The Left Eye

The famous “all seeing eye” that sits atop the pyramid on back of the one dollar bill, in case you didn’t know, is a left eye.  That all seeing eye is quite possibly the most important Illuminati symbol of all, a fact you can verify with even the scantest amount of internet research.  Research that I don’t feel like doing right now.  You’re just going to have to trust me.  Also, I’m not even going to tell you what you’re about to see in the next picture.  I will let you feel the shock for yourself.

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That’s Kanye West.  As the photo clearly shows, he’s sweaty as fuck and he does, in fact, have a left eye.  Kanye West is signed to Rocafella Records.  Jay-Z founded Rocafella Records.  The Illuminati hearts left eyes.  How are you not creeped out by all of these coincidences?

The Buildings

Not content with scattering their symbols amongst our currency, it is rumored that some historic structures, like the obelisk shaped Washington Monument or that fancy pants museum with the glass pyramid in front of it from The Davinci Code, are also signs of Illuminati influence.  I’ve never been to New York, but this guy in my apartment building used to live there.  In exchange for a small outlay of cash to help support his crippling crack addiction, he offered to bring back pictures of Jay-Z’s childhood home, The Marcy Projects in Brooklyn.  Naturally, I paid up post haste.  This is what he brought back.

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The Marcy Projects, as allegedly photographed by my drug addled neighbor

Man, how did dude line up a helicopter to get that shot?  Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a junkie.  Anyway, I haven’t found any evidence that the swastika is an Illuminati symbol, but still that’s pretty fucked up.  Would you big up YOUR borough if it was filled with architecture like this?  I think not.  You’re killing me right now, Hova.

The Lyrics

Fine, maybe the hand gestures aren’t enough.  Maybe you think the above picture is, in fact, not the Marcy Projects but instead is a widely-circulated-on-the-internet picture of an American naval base.  Maybe Kanye West having a left eye hasn’t sold you.  But seriously, prepare to have your world rocked.  Below are lyrics from Jay-Z’s massive hit song “99 Problems.”  I’ve taken the liberty of highlighting some particularly incriminating lyrics.  Judge for yourself.

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That’s as real as it gets y’all, what else could you need to see?  Illuminati got our mind, soul and our body.  Don’t ever say you haven’t been warned.

If you’d like to know how much the Illuminati paid me to mock this ridiculous conspiracy theory, just ask in the comments section.  Thanks.