Refined Awesome is Found in Video Form; Is Asian

The Land of the Rising Sun isn’t called that for no reason.  It’s called that because by sun they mean boners.  Wicked boners.  Japan is 90% boners, 5% robots and 5% creepy, no word of a lie.  It’s in their constitution.

Undoubtedly you know where this story is going already, but we’re going to fill in the word limit of our article by stating the obvious – this is about a Japanese game show in which Japanese chicks give hummers to ice dong.

Now you’re probably thinking “Japanese chicks giving hummers to ice dong?  Oh man, that’s so cliché” and to that we say fuck you.  No, seriously.  Why are you so negative?  Do you kick puppies?  Fist the elderly?  Smarten up you sour, old shit.  Appreciate the beauty of this.  Watch that video again until you have a boner.  A wicked boner!

The FunnyCave staff, collectively, has just short of no knowledge of the Japanese language.  We brainstormed for an hour while drinking in the boiler room yesterday and came up with umami, Tokyo, sucky sucky, sushi, Godzilla and Jackie Chan.  So we’re not sure what anyone in that video is saying, but likely “suck that ice dong! Yeah!” comes up more than once.

Now, your boner may be shy at first when confronted with Peter, Paul and Mary on the beach there looking about as hot as a bag of smashed assholes, but don’t let that dissuade you.  Within a few seconds the obscenity begins!

We’d like to take this opportunity to congratulate a few of the game’s contestants for an outstanding performance.  For starters, the young lady in black who can be seen with the ice dong very nearly in her ass at one point, and then later in her mouth.  ATM wins everytime.

Also of note is the contestant in green, who clearly has no interest whatsoever in actually winning, but will maintain eye contact with the camera as she slowly licks and sucks the ice dong.  Now that’s technique.

Finally, kudos to the lady in white, who never gives up on the belief that her boobs will somehow get the job done for her.