Rebel Corn Flakes Tattoo Themselves as a Big FU To Society

It is being reported that Corn Flakes, one of the world’s most beloved breakfast cereal brands, will go rouge as it casts aside the shackles of an oppressive fascist world by doing the only thing more rebellious than dyeing your hair and unnatural color, or getting a piercing on a part of the body that isn’t the ears: Corn Flakes will be getting a tattoo.

In response to society become “homogenized” and “all individuality being stripped away like a leather bra at a strip club” Kelloggs announced via Twitter, “Now you’ll always be able to tell your Corn Flakes from your corn fakes!”  This act of rebellion is usually reserved for teenaged cereal brands, and is rarely seen in 115 year old brands – but that won’t stop food technologist Helen Lyons from breaking the rules, “We want shoppers to be under absolutely no illusion that Kellogg’s does not make cereal for anyone else.”

That extremely hard to follow quote was followed up with, “”We’re constantly looking at new ways to reaffirm this and giving our golden flakes of corn an official stamp of approval could be the answer.”

The normal method of tattooing with ink and a needle just won’t cut it for today’s crispy corn rebels. Therefore, new cutting edge laser technology will have to be used to by the Kelloggs corporation to insure that their flakes are truly unique, one of a kind, and just a little bit dangerous. Only etching the word “Kelloggs” on to individual Corn Flakes with a laser beam will give Corn Flakes the “Fuck Society” edge it needs to reinvent itself for a today’s anti-society youth.

After the tattoo, Corn Flakes says that they will probably start getting in to some really hardcore punk rock like the Sex Pistols, the New York Dolls, and Blink 182. After that, Corn Flakes thinks it will start reading Noam Chomsky and sympathizing with Che Guevara just before it out grows all that non-sense and purchases a time-share on Martha’s Vineyard and gets married to a box of Shredded Mini-Wheats.