Rebecca Gayheart + Eric Dane + Former Miss Teen USA Somehow = Most Boring Sex Tape Ever

Since Funnycrave has been online, not a single week has gone by without some Hollywood actress having her naughty bits posted online.  We take full credit for this and, in turn, expect your wholehearted thanks.  This week’s amateur porn star is former Noxzema girl and sometime actress Rebecca Gayheart.  Earlier this year, tabloid photos circulated showing the actress nude with another woman while clutching a crack pipe.  Oddly, we were still kind of aroused.

In this most recent foray into having her private shit put on blast on the internet, the crack pipe does not make a return appearance.  But at one point she does say she has to lie down because she’s “so high.”  So there’s that.  But fear not, even though drug paraphernalia doesn’t reprise its role in this most recent embarassment, there is a pretty decent cast of supporting players.  Gayheart’s husband Eric Dane, better known by absolutely no self respecting dude on the planet as Dr. McSteamy from Grey’s Anatomy, is on hand to work the camera and occasionally flash his dong on screen.  Also along for the ride is Kari Ann Peniche, the former Miss Teen USA contestant turned Hollywood madame.  She looks like this.

With a star studded cast like that, you’re probably expecting a guns-a-blazing sex romp of epic proportions.  I’m sorry to report, but you are sadly mistaken.  The folks over at Gawker have posted the video online.  If you wish to haphazardly waste two minutes of your life which you will never get back, follow this link to check it out.  If you want a quick summary of what you’ll be seeing, it goes something like this…everyone is naked, stoned but not in a hilarious way, and playing that stupid “what is your porn name” game.  For the record, I’m Tiger Brons.  Anyway, that’s it.  There’s no sex, no Gayheart-on-former-Miss-Teen-America tongue fighting, no nothing.  Just the occasional tit that you’ve already seen (links are definitely NSFW).  To make matters worse, the video is edited down from the original running length of twelve minutes.  I shudder to think what kind of uninteresting shit unfolds in the full length version.