Real Chats With IM Robots

As a general rule, I have to stay on instant messenger at all times when I’m doing Funnycrave work.  The guy that owns this place refuses to communicate in any other way, despite the fact that we work approximately 50 feet away from each other (he in a corner office, me in a ramshackle cubicle constructed of refrigerator boxes and bodily fluid soaked twine).  For reasons unbeknownst to me, I often find myself being accosted by IM robots offering promises of sexy web cam time fun.  Not even the most novice of internet user would be dumb enough to take them up on it (except those that are).  Instead, I try to keep the conversation going as long as robotically possible.  This is what usually happens…

(10:00:39 PM) silly_chica90: ::MUAH::

(10:00:58 PM) adamtodbrown: Right. Who the hell are you?

(10:01:11 PM) silly_chica90: hey whats up?

(10:01:25 PM) adamtodbrown: Oh boy.

(10:01:39 PM) silly_chica90: who is this again? Sorry I don’t recognize the name lol

(10:01:53 PM) adamtodbrown: Then why are you messaging me?

(10:02:05 PM) silly_chica90: Oh Ok LOL,Nice!how you doin??

(10:02:34 PM) adamtodbrown: My mom has cancer. And I have AIDS. Sex???

(10:02:46 PM) silly_chica90: I’m actually working right now what are you doing exactly??

(10:03:10 PM) adamtodbrown: Sitting in the parking lot of your job. With lotion. And rope.

(10:03:22 PM) silly_chica90: nice, I work from home just starting doing these cam shows :) It’s pretty fun actually lol

(10:03:59 PM) adamtodbrown: Sorry, meant to say I was in your driveway. Your production quality is really shitty.

(10:04:12 PM) silly_chica90: I am a little busy right now cant really talk here but I would LOVE if you came to watch and give me some company, and maybe a GOOD rating ??

(10:04:55 PM) adamtodbrown: Would you settle for being ignored and buried on Digg or something?

(10:05:08 PM) silly_chica90: well I think i have a trial pass lyin here one sec babe.. I mean would you want it??

(10:05:29 PM) adamtodbrown: Like a tumor in my testicles!

(10:05:44 PM) silly_chica90: yup, I do got another pass left!..YAY.. just please don’t tell anyone else I can get in trouble. What color panties should I put on for you sexy, i’ll let you pick! LOL

(10:06:35 PM) adamtodbrown: Tighty whities please. Stains make me hot, so if you could shart beforehand, that would be great.

(10:06:50 PM) silly_chica90: k lol .. You joining me ? ;)

(10:07:51 PM) adamtodbrown: Are we both getting Crisco’d up and smacking around our houseplants? If so, no.

(10:08:06 PM) silly_chica90: Ok, go to http://tinyurl.com/SOFLYY fill out the form and when you see the secret code box put in adminpass09. Let me know when you’re on the prettty Pink page hun.;;)

(10:08:53 PM) adamtodbrown: I’m in Costa Rica with no internet access. It also hurts when I pee.  And you spelled FLY wrong.

(10:09:07 PM) silly_chica90: k, if your pass I gave you worked it should say $1.50 on top instead of $34.95, if so you are good for my trial dont worry about the autorenew the pass cancels all charges

(10:09:27 PM) adamtodbrown: I’ll give you 75 cents.

(10:09:39 PM) silly_chica90: CC is just to verify your age hun, it’s a one-time fee of 1.50, its the sites policy to ensure no minors get access to the site .. i gave u the trial pass :)

(10:10:24 PM) adamtodbrown: I don’t have a credit card. Or a bank account. Or a penis. I do have three quarters with your name on them though.

(10:10:36 PM) silly_chica90: ok let me know when you get in so I can invite you directly to my cam.

(10:11:10 PM) adamtodbrown: I’m in…love. Will you marry me?

(10:11:22 PM) silly_chica90: k, you in yet babe?? Don’t keep me waiting!

(10:12:38 PM) adamtodbrown: Yes. I’m in. Love. Should there be otters in the room right now? Because there are. I’m not sure why. Is this your doing? This is far from “silly”! It’s downright dangerous!

(10:12:50 PM) silly_chica90: k

(10:12:56 PM) adamtodbrown: L?

(10:13:09 PM) silly_chica90: k when u login click LIVEWEBCAMS and I’m the girl on the top row farthest to the left. There’s a chat there so I’ll see u there babe … maybe u tell me what to do ;)

(10:13:56 PM) adamtodbrown: I’m way into infant smacking. Will you smack an infant? For me? :o)

Moments Later…

(11:14:04 PM) msgoodgood86: <3 Hello <3

(11:14:20 PM) adamtodbrown: Shut your saucy mouth

(11:14:35 PM) msgoodgood86: hey whats up?

(11:15:09 PM) adamtodbrown: Denying the holocaust, microwaving kittens, the usual.

(11:15:22 PM) msgoodgood86: who is this again? Sorry I don’t recognize the name lol

(11:15:50 PM) adamtodbrown: John Lennon. THE John Lennon.

(11:16:04 PM) msgoodgood86: Oh Ok LOL,Nice!how you doin??

(11:20:48 PM) adamtodbrown: I’ll punch you right in the goddamned face.  That’s just how John Lennon do.

(11:21:04 PM) msgoodgood86: I’m actually working right now what are you doing exactly??

(11:26:46 PM) adamtodbrown: Duh. I’m watching Antonio Saboto Jr.’s reality show like any other self respecting dude.

(11:26:59 PM) msgoodgood86: nice, I work from home just starting doing these cam shows :) It’s pretty fun actually lol

(11:27:25 PM) adamtodbrown: LOL IS RIGHT! ROTFLMAO EVEN!

(11:27:39 PM) msgoodgood86: I am a little busy right now cant really talk here but I would LOVE if you came to watch and give me some company, and maybe a GOOD rating ??

(11:28:09 PM) adamtodbrown: I’d give you a 9.
(11:28:14 PM) adamtodbrown: Out of 100.

(11:28:22 PM) msgoodgood86: well I think i have a trial pass lyin here one sec babe.. I mean would you want it??

(11:28:25 PM) msgoodgood86: yup, I do got another pass left!..YAY.. just please don’t tell anyone else I can get in trouble. What color panties should I put on for you sexy, i’ll let you pick! LOL

(11:29:27 PM) adamtodbrown: Why do you print those passes out? That’s not even kind environmentally sound. Have you learned nothing from Ticketmaster?

(11:29:40 PM) msgoodgood86: k lol .. You joining me ? ;)

(11:37:24 PM) adamtodbrown: I’m preferential to goodgood87, just a better vintage in my opinion, but maybe I can be convinced. What else ya got?

(11:37:38 PM) msgoodgood86: Ok, go to http://tinyurl.com/SOFLYY fill out the form and when you see the secret code box put in adminpass09. Let me know when you’re on the prettty Pink page hun.;;)

(11:38:17 PM) adamtodbrown: No.

(11:38:32 PM) msgoodgood86: k, if your pass I gave you worked it should say $1.50 on top instead of $34.95, if so you are good for my trial dont worry about the autorenew the pass cancels all charges

(11:40:04 PM) adamtodbrown: I’m paying $34.95 or nothing. I don’t need no government bailouts! Fucking socialist webcams. There is nothing I hate more than beating off to a socialist.

(11:40:18 PM) msgoodgood86: CC is just to verify your age hun, it’s a one-time fee of 1.50, its the sites policy to ensure no minors get access to the site .. i gave u the trial pass :)

(11:40:23 PM) msgoodgood86: ok let me know when you get in so I can invite you directly to my cam.

(11:41:10 PM) msgoodgood86: k, you in yet babe?? Don’t keep me waiting!

(11:41:20 PM) adamtodbrown: Ha! You don’t keep ME waiting! Get it?!?!  It’s funny because I capitalized improperly!

(11:41:37 PM) adamtodbrown: Hey, what letter comes after J in the alphabet?

(11:41:52 PM) msgoodgood86: k

(11:42:29 PM) adamtodbrown: Sweet, thanks.

(11:42:41 PM) msgoodgood86: k when u login click LIVEWEBCAMS and I’m the girl on the top row farthest to the left. There’s a chat there so I’ll see u there babe … maybe u tell me what to do ;)

(11:42:57 PM) adamtodbrown: Can you get me a DVD rip of Inglourious Basterds?