Rabbits Usher In a New Era of Penile Reconstruction

Every once in a while a story comes along that seems like it was tailor-made for immature dick-joke lovers such as ourselves. A story so rife with built-in phallic humor that we can barely think of ways to make it funnier than it already is. Today is one of those days, Ladies and Gentlemen.

Today we bring you a story about broken rabbit penises and the courageous doctors that that are fixing them for the betterment of mankind.

It also has the words “deficient genitalia” in it. Wonderful.

So, we warn you. This may be out most immature post yet.

A team of scientists and doctors at the Wake Forest University Baptist Medical Center’s Institute for Regenerative Medicine will soon publish a paper in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences that will detail their latest medical breakthrough: they can fix a broken penis.

Using twelve New Zealand White rabbits that have all suffered intense penile trauma and/or disfiguration, the doctors created replacement tissues with the help of a rabbit’s own deficient genitalia tissues. In other words, they’re using your own junk to make newer, stronger, and faster, junk.

You know painters scaffolding? Those big metal and wood structures that line the exterior of buildings that are either under construction or are being repaired? Yeah, well, the docs built one out of rabbit dicks – rabbit dicks with no cells in them. They implant these scaffolds that are made of pure immaturity in to the rabbits, and then inject the aforementioned replacement cells in to it.

After that, they pretty much just stood backed and looked at rabbit penises for a long time, prying to the penis Gods that it actually worked.

And. It. Did.

The once sexless rabbits started to get down with some female rabbits just as much as the males rabbits that never had to undergo the trauma of having a broken penis. Several of the male rabbits even impregnated some females, at which point the males stood on their hind legs with one foot steadied atop the female’s body, and with their arms resting on their hips. They stood proudly, in victory. They stood triumphantly.

What’s even better news is that this could actually help out humans. The same ideas used to fix the rabbit penises could one day give you a new penis after, say, a grotesque Weed Whacker accident. Or, maybe you just want some more girth? This new medical advancement may one day give you the size you want.

Also, if it’s your thing, you could probably get yourself fitted with a totally rad rabbit penis. In the future, there will be many ethically challenged doctors out there slapping animal penises to humans.

Future porn will be spectacular.