Prejean Pays The Price For Not Leaving the Public Eye

It always seems to happen. Just when a pseudo-celebrity’s 15 minutes is just about to tick away in to infinity, there’s always some last second Hail Mary pass of stupid, gossipy bullshit that extends their popularity clock by about 40 seconds.

This last ditch effort is usually pretty outlandish as outlandish is, by that point, the only thing that can extend the clock. This is exactly why we’re writing about Carrie Prejean, the anti-gay marriage former Miss California, today.

You may remember Prejean from earlier in the year when her name and face was plastered all over every headline due to her anti- gay marriage stance during the Miss USA pageant. Everyone in the country found joy in pretending that Prejean actually mattered, and much fun was had at her expense. Everyone thought that all stories about her had gone the way of the crazy, diapers wearing astronaut and Joe the Plumber, but no.  She’s back, and just as the laws of popularity clock extending stipulate, the latest news is pretty creepy.

This story involves the inevitable sex tape, which seems to be a staple of the pseudo-celebrity community nowadays. The Prejean sex tape was a bit of a departure from other pseudo-celebrity sex tapes as it showcased Prejean giving herself the business as her boyfriend just kind of stood there recording while wondering why he even has a penis if she’s just going to do it all herself.

The tape was shopped around to various websites, but there were no takers. By that point, all of America realized that Prejean was an imbecile, and that watching a sex tape involving a mentally challenged person would probably send you straight to hell.

Meanwhile, Prejean was prepping herself for a long legal battle against the Miss California officials due to the stripper of her crown. What was supposed to be a long, grueling legal battle turned in to a 10 minute meeting in which Prejean waved a white flag and dropped the lawsuit.

This, of course, raises the question of, what happened during that meeting?

The Miss California people — who somehow got a hold of the tape –  played Prejean’s sex tape with Prejean’s mom in the room.

Now, imagine all the times that your mom walked in on you while you were masturbating –all that shame and embarrassment, the look of disappointment on your mom’s face. Now, imagine that same situation, but replace your dark bedroom with is probably a corporate office with a large table, and replace you masturbating with you watching yourself masturbate. This time, your mom doesn’t just walk in on you, she’s just sitting there from the moment you pull down your pants to the sad moment you get your jollies. The whole time she’s just watching, sicked, never saying a word.

Creepy, huh?

Needless to say, the $1 million lawsuit Prejean brought against the Miss California officials was tossed out the window faster than a human can off to watching a video of Carrie Prejean get herself off.

Kudos, Miss California people! You just showed the world what it means to be awesome.