Penis Bologna is Not Kosher

Joseph M. Cantwell is in trouble and it has everything to do with cock meat sandwiches. Apparently Cantwell used to be a deputy, until he was fired for doing this, who figured it would be super awesome if instead of just making sure prisoners at the local jail didn’t bugger each other or hang themselves with shoelaces he made one of them eat dick bologna. What’s that? Never heard of dick bologna? Here’s the recipe:

2 pieces of bread (white or whole wheat)
1 piece of bologna
1 dick

Wrap bologna around dick. Give her a good shuffle back and forth, like the bologna is a chamois and you’re trying to buff something; perhaps a dick. Buff that dick. With the bologna. Keep doing it. Get in there good, but try to avoid embedding pubes in the spongy meat, as that would be gross. Once you have reached maximum dick-to-bologna saturation, place bologna on a slice of bread. Cover dick bologna with a second slice of bread. You now have a dick meat sandwich. Feed dick meat sandwich to a prisoner at the jail where you work. Incidentally, the dick should have belonged to a different prisoner.

Most restaurants don’t serve dick meat sandwiches and, despite rumors, few institutions actually keep them on the menu either. Joe Cantwell’s culinary inspiration could not be limited by standard prison food menus however, so he went that extra mile to make something memorable (that being the aforementioned dick meat sandwich).

Surprisingly, the dick meat sandwich incident went over poorly with others in the area and Cantwell, who was so moved by his gastronomic brilliance that he took fucking pictures of it, was fired from his job. The dick meat sandwich recipient is now suing, and so are two other inmates. One assumes the guy who owned the dick is one of them, but God knows who that third dude is. It’s likely he had to eat ass Cheerios for breakfast, however.