One could easily argue that technology exists for the sole purpose of making our lives easier. Inventing weapons made it easier to kill the monsters that inhabited our prehistoric world, making it easier to not die. Inventing better weapons made it easier to live in fear than before, because although there were no more monsters, there were plenty of dangerous assholes with weapons.

All of this led to entertainment, in the form on coliseums, where we could give those weapons to two different dangerous assholes and watch them kill each other for our amusement. Much of this is still alive today, with our need for entertainment requiring better and better tech, so we can watch movies and TV shows of armed assholes pretending to kill one another. Oh, and the news and cooking shows or something.

But we have reached a new age, where easy is sometimes not easy enough. You can watch movies in your own home on your huge flatscreen TV, but you have to mount that sucker, and if it falls, well, there’s a broken foot or a dead pet. And what’s with this wires still connecting things bullshit? There has to be an easier way! Okay, so in the next decade, it will be easier. Way easier. Too easier, even though that isn’t grammatically correct.

Technology has made things so much easier that we’ve reached a point where we are now packing on some extra pounds as we kick back and enjoy this easy to use technology that cuts out much of the hassle past iterations included.

Technology like…

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It has been a long held secret, but the truth may finally be out: the secret recipe Coca Cola used to make Coke. For 125 years, Coke’s recipe has been one of the most closely guarded secreted in the trade, but it only took reporters from NPR’s This American Life a few flips through an newspaper from February 18, 1979 to find what appears to be the original Coke recipe handwritten by John Pemberton, the inventor of Coke.

Time magazine got their hands on the recipe, and even the recipe for the special ingredient in coke known as the “Merchandise 7X flavoring.” But why they only list the ingredients, I want to make sure that you are aware of what all of the individual ingredients do, and what roles they play in creating the flavor of the Coke you know and love.

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ED. NOTE: This article was originally written nearly a year ago, but it seems it’s just as relevant today.

Hey, Florida! Yeah, I’m talking to you! The state that I’m currently living in! You suck! First, it was with the 2000 presidential election, now it’s with snow. What the hell is your deal, man? What, do you have some kind of problem with the rest of the country, or something? Do you think you’re such a damn rebel/renegade that you can just hold everyone back from doing great things?

Damn it, you suck. Seriously.

Oh, what’s that, Florida? You don’t know what I’m talking about? Well, let me explain it to you in the same way I would explain tying shoelaces to my cats.

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9 Famous Movie Villains Who Were Right All Along (Cracked)

The 10 Funniest Horse Racing Announcer Calls Of All Time (Super Booyah)

The 30 Most Anticipated Movies of 2011 (COED Magazine)

The JumpSnap: Holy Taco’s Indispensible Product of the Week (Holy Taco)

How To Buy Lingerie For a Woman (Modern Man)

Top 10 Anti-Gay Activists Caught Being Gay (Ranker)

Streaker fail (Dave and Thomas)

Touchscreen Gaming Just Got a Retro Upgrade (The Bachelor Guy)

Can Your Car Run On Four Loko? (UpRoxx)

Seven Terrifying and Supposedly Real Exorcism Videos (The Smoking Jacket)

Some things in life we just will not do, usually because we’re scared of jail and/or death, or simply because hey-we’re all respectable and shit. That’s where people like me come in, because people that write dick jokes for the internet have no shame, and are usually well-acquainted with the seamier side of life.

However, we’re also well aware that the people who frequent comedy sites are classy, monocle brandishing individuals with impeccable taste, who would balk at, say, finding the craziest woman in a seedy bar just to see what she’s like in the sack, or becoming a drug addict, or really anything you’re about to read here. Just keep in mind all these things were done for the sake of art, and not because they happen to be, like, hobbies or anything. Because they aren’t.

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He unloaded the dump truck’s contents on to a growing pile of trash already a few feet tall. Hanging thick in the thin winter air was the stench of countless half eaten meals, dead rodents, dirty diapers of both the very young and decrepitly old, and countless other things that give off smells only an agent of Hell’s sulfur pits would find comforting.

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The United Federation of Planets and Starfleet have decided Captain Owen Honors is to be relieved of command of the U.S.S Enterprise for his “profound lack of good judgment and professionalism.” The decision came three days after Federation news outlets caught wind of at least three viewscreen transmissions that originated on board the Enterprise on Stardate 41153.7, when Honors was the executive officer, or second in command. He was named commanding officer of the Galaxy-class starship USS Enterprise-D on Stardate 41148.2.

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People love explosions. When shit blows up, people cheer. Micheal Bay has a career based on this fact; between Armageddon and The Rock, Bay used more explosives than the Manhattan Project. While most people get a charge out of a big bang, Micheal Bay experiences the same, sick sexual thrill a serial killer gets when I watched the light fade from that hooker’s eyes. Continue Reading

A useful law to be aware of is Poe’s Law, which states that any attempt to satirize an extreme viewpoint will inevitably be mistaken by somebody as actually representing that viewpoint.  It makes figuring out satire on the Internet difficult, and taking insane sites seriously nearly impossible.

And, of course, nowhere else other than the internet can you find more blisteringly insane opinions about politics.  One particularly infamous political hotbed is Free Republic, a news aggregation site so conservative it’s currently the only thing that can arouse Ann Coulter.

The history of Free Republic brings new meaning to the word “tortured”.  It’s had more purges than the brutal Communist dictatorship of Buliemia.  As users have expressed intolerable, vile beliefs, like thinking Rudy Guliani would make a good president, they’ve been booted from the site, because nothing is more American than making people you don’t like go away to never be seen again.

Over time, it has, in theory, become a hotbed of the most extreme conservatives on the Internet, the kind of people who cry and masturbate to Glenn Beck crying and surreptitiously masturbating on air.

Or is it?  The more you read the statements of Freepers (nickname of the denizens of FreeRepublic) the more you’ve got to wonder if they haven’t realized they had a huge audience of liberals engaging in some internet atrocity tourism, and are just playing to the crowds.

I went through some recent comments on some of Free Republic’s articles — three of them, to be exact — and I pulled four comments from each of them. After much analyzation, I’m pretty sure Free Republic is the greatest prank ever played on the internet.  For example (and I assure you, every single quote here is real):

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