P. Diddy Sells his Crap on HSN

Remember those commercials featuring Iron Eyes Cody, the Native American who sees all that littering and sheds a tear for nature?  Two things –first, that dude wasn’t even native, he was Italian.  Second, if he shed a tear for that, he’d have a complete mental breakdown over this sad state of affairs.  Black is white, up is down and nothing is as it seems when Sean Puffy Combs goes on HSN, the home shopping network for shut ins and medicated second wives, to sell house coats and perfume.

This video is long as shit and it’s hard to sit through due to the sheer madness of what’s occurring, so here are some wicked highlights.

0:00 – We start out with Sean’s ‘I Am King” commercial which featuring helicopters and Puffy on a jetski whilst wearing a tuxedo. In case you were wondering, the answer is yes.  Puffy Daddy has been convinced he’s James Bond for several years now.  Incidentally, one scene seems to feature girls in the ocean posing with harpoon guns.

0:46 – Yeah, that chick co-hawking Diddy’s perfume just said she embraces the philosophy behind the fragrance.  It’s liquid stink, lady.  Seriously.  Also, do all hosts on HSN look like they’re planning on trying to fuck their guest after the show?

1:53 – Puffy lies like a goddamn dog.  He carries his laptop in that HSN bag?  Funnycrave will give a free T-Shirt to anyone who can find a photo of P Diddy carrying his computer around in that fucking HSN bag.

2:42 – The eau du toilette is the Fifi Award Winner.  Please take a few minutes to let your boner subside before reading any further.  That includes you too, ladies.

3:16 – Here comes that boner again, they won back to back Fifi’s  No one’s ever done that!!!

3:36 – P. Diddy actually went into a goddamn lab and designed this fragrance himself.

4:39 – The secret to I Am King?  Fresh, fruity, woody.  Right in the middle there is key lime pie.  Fuck yeah.

5:16 – Diddy has legions of fans watching.  Did anyone who knows who Puffy is know he was going to be on HSN?

7:14 – Host lady is officially trying to usher the caller off the phone.

7:29 – Diddy has given a lot of this stuff as a gift.  People must be thrilled when he gives them product he got for free that has his name on it.

8:35:  Diddy lies some more.  Who’s his hero?  Ralph Lauren.

8:43 – Time to prove how you got a job on HSN, by stating with a straight face that you will cherish the gift box and then go on about how awesomely presented the cologne is.  Yep, it sure is sitting in plastic.  That’s luxurious.

11:40 – Have there been three people sitting there in bathrobes that entire time?

11:49 – HSN reaches over 90,000,000 homes?  According to US government census data there are 113,000,000 households in the US.  That’s like 80% of the country…unless she means they’re just on cable and 80% of the country could watch HSN if they wanted to.  But that would be a really deceptive way to say that.

12:38 – Diddy pretend hugs a cartoon girl through the television.

13:45 – Diddy demands a close up from camera 4

14:43 – The most awesome moment of Diddy’s career, when he looks at the camera and says he’s selling out.  Co-host agrees, it’s fun to sell out.

And there’s actually 3 more videos of Puffy selling those bathrobes, perfume and bubble bath.  Damn.