New Species Of Life Discovered By Google Street View

Jan and Peter are immortal – that is, along as don’t take off their BioLife™ HydroBreath suits…and they don’t nuke each other. You see, their species – The Mantasapiens – breathe water through their skin. Not oxygen or hydrogen – they breathe water. The suits supply a steady stream of water in to each and every one of their pours. Sadly, Jan and Peter are the last of their kind. They were the last to have made it out of their underwater kingdom alive after the great sub atomic war of 2009, which is why they have yet to fully grasp human culture. Which is why they are chasing the Google Street View Van with weapons.

Vans, for instance, bear a striking resemblance to the Mantasapien arch nemesis, the Van Shark. It’s a shark that looks a lot like a Chevy van…and it has fold down rear seating (the shark, not the van).

Jan and Peter have been living in a state of despair since their glorious kingdom was ravaged by war. Most days they just end up sitting out on their driveways reminiscing about the good old days. The days when all they needed to do to make a living was abduct some defenseless human that steered their ship over their kingdom. Humans make for an excellent source of protein and our bones can be crafted in to durable hubcaps for Mantasapien transportation vehicles. Mantasapien Vespa’s, for example.

So, please, before you laugh smugly at this picture, just know that these are the final members of a species whose history we humans can learn a lot from. While it may seem like Google Street View may have just caught a picture of two totally awesome dudes that camped out for who know how long, just so they could have the chance to chase Street View Van for a few seconds while wearing scuba gear, the reality is much more depressing and saddening.