New Orleans’ James Perry is Not Sh*tting You

Remember the last time you heard anything about the mayor of New Orleans?  It was just after the long assed effort to clean up Katrina began and the mayor made some statement about making the Big Easy a chocolate city or something preposterous like that.  And then he went away for the most part and whenever anyone mentions New Orleans in the media now it’s to update you on the fact no one has fixed the damn place properly since it flooded, although the President visits once in a while.

Anyway, it’s apparently time for a change in New Orleans and James Perry is offering you that change.  And he’s not shitting you.  His commercial even says so.  He is not shitting you.  His is not fucking kidding.  And he will make it 40% less likely for you to be murdered.

In the history of all great political promises, the prospect of cutting a city wide murder rate by 40% is probably the best promise ever for any number of reasons.  The first of which is the acknowledgement that there’s just too goddamn much murder in town, but 40% less murder would be sweet.  We’re not going to aim for 50% murder, because there’s a lot of murder to get rid of and lord knows just telling people to stop murdering might seem like a good idea but will likely be ineffective.  People gotta murder up in here.

Aside from that, this also implies other mayoral candidates are not supporting 40% less murder.  Maybe they’re only at 30% less murder.  Maybe one dude is running on a pro murder platform and will kill your ass if you don’t vote for him.  But not James Perry.  James Perry says it’s time to cut murder back to an acceptable level.  Listen, we all know people are going to be murdered.  New Orleans is about two things – Mardi Gras boobies and murder, we don’t want to take that away.  All we’re saying is be choosy with your murders.  Murder the people who really need murdering. Maybe just beat everyone else into a coma.  Coma ain’t murder.  No sir.

Very few people want to be murdered, that’s likely a human wide trait.  You don’t even need to live in New Orleans.  Probably there are people in Arkansas who woke up this morning and thought “Man, hope I don’t get murdered today.”  But at the same time, there are probably very few mayoral candidates anyone in Arkansas promising to cut back the local murder rate as part of their campaign promises.  And that means, with all  the potential problems facing the city of New Orleans – like maybe rebuilding the city, jobs, education, sanitation taxation, whatever, the biggest issue people are concerned with at the moment is murder.  Do you know where else that’s a big concern?  Barter Town.  No one wants to get their ass stuck in Thunderdome because two men enter, one man leaves and that’s the fuckin’ rules.  New Orleans is currently at the same level of development as Barter Town.  That is fucked right up.

Or it was.  But not once James Perry is mayor.  He’s not even shitting you.