New Ad Makes Being a Pedophile Look Kind of Awesome

Pedophiles, perhaps some of you are some. If you are, then please, divert your attention away from this story because we don’t want to offend any member of our thriving and very vocal audience of adults that sexually molest children. You guys bring in tons – TONS! – of traffic for us. For that, we thank you. Not for the pedophile thing, though. That’s weird.

The reason we ask you pedophiles in the audience to look away is because we have just uncovered some startling new anti-pedophilia print ads that may offend you.

But maybe these ads won’t offend our pedophile base? Now that I look at the ads again I’m thinking that they actually make being a pedophile kind of cool. Check out the complete version of the ad from above:

This doesn’t seem to be so much of an anti-pedophilia ad as much as it seems like a pro-pedophilia ad. Who would have thought that by simply becoming a pedophile you gain the power of invisibility? That the only thing that can detect a pedophile is a pair of night vision goggles? Is this true? If it is, well, then we may have to rethink our sexual preferences. Sure, being a pedophile is a pretty terrible thing (sorry, pedophiles out there! Don’t mean to offend!), but we here at Funny Crave would kill for some super powers, or, maybe in this case, we’d sexually molest children for some superpowers.

This raises a number of other questions like, are necrophiliacs impervious to harm? Do guys that cut out vaginas and keep them in boxes under their floors boards have ice breath? Can serial rapists fly? Is Superman a serial rapist? Did the Invisible man have a thing for kids? Is “The Invisible Pedophile” some kind of old wives tale along the lines of “masturbating with make you go blind”?

It seems rather unfair that only the most sick and twisted degenerates on earth would be granted superhuman powers (again, sorry, Pedophile fans of ours!), and people like, say, Gandhi or Mother Teresa would be left totally visible to the world. But thems the breaks. It’s probably the universe’s way of testing us. Would humanity molest an innocent child just to gain a superpower? Yes, yes we would. We’re humans, that’s how we roll.

You can check out the rest of the ads here.