NASA Attacks Moon; Moon Plots Vengeance

Ever since 1986, man has hated the moon.  It hangs in our night sky, and sometimes the day sky because what the fuck? And it mocks us.  Oh look, I’m an astral body in orbit around your world.  How do you like your tides and werewolves?  Fuck you, Earth.

Well, fuck you right back moon.  Fuck you so hard with a missile.  Under the guise of looking for water or Slim Jims or whatever, NASA finally put that big bitch in its place by launching a $79 million kick in the ass right at it.  The unofficial NASA plan is to destroy both the moon and the tasty moonpies held within, not to mention the bevy of moonmen and moon ladies who dwell in their secret moon colonies just below the surface.

Ever since Buzz Aldrin was sexually assaulted by a moon man we’ve known this day would come (plus that business in 1986), it was only a matter of time before the perfect bitch slapping weapon was devised.  And now is that time.  Or rather, earlier in the day.  Or yesterday.  Whenever.

The point is that we must now play a waiting game.  Will moon rockets be directed at us soon?  Hopefully the moon men’s notorious weak knowledge of human geography will see them raining most of their wrath down upon expendable countries like Switzerland or Australia, but there’s always a chance it will be a salvo of moonsanity that blankets the Earth with chaos.  The shit just got real and only NASA, or possibly a team of as yet unheard of superheroes, will be able to save us.  Or Barack Obama, who as our King, has won the Nobel Prize in Kicking that Fucking Moon’s Filthy Moon Ass, which is probably the hardest Nobel prize to get, right after physics, because man, physics is hard as shit.

Anyway, point is we shot the moon.  Like literally for real someone shot the moon and now there’s always going to be that goddamn hole in the moon and future generations will be setting up a Taco Bell on the moon and the parking lot is going to be completely shitted up and the foreman on the project is going to be all “what the fuck is this thing?  Some kind of moon man cave?” and some union bricklayer who went to university as a history major but finds himself in construction due to hard times will be all “No, this happened back in 2009 when NASA shot the moon. There are no moon men, that was a rumor created by the hilarious website FunnyCrave.com” and the foreman will be all “FunnyCrave.com, isn’t that the site that changed the world and also banged Angelina Jolie several times, as well as Jessica Biel and many other hot celebrities?” and the brick layer will be all “Sure is.  Odd that a website could do that” and they’ll both agree that is was.