Mouth-to-Anus Human Centipede Movie Finally Made

Possibly based on a book by Maya Angelou, Human Centipede: The First Sequence is an absolutely real movie that we at FunnyCrave didn’t make up because if we had made it up people would have just thought we’re retarded. Luckily now you can think it about someone else while we show you pictures.

There’s a horror festival over in the UK called FrightFest and writer/director Tom Six wanted to be remembered apparently, so he submitted his film about a surgeon who specializes in conjoined twins (we’d not be so crass as to use the non-politically correct term “Siamese twins”, only a uncouth twat would do that), who decides that mankind would be way better off if we were all sewn together ass to mouth in some long centipede chain. You can see how that makes sense.

Now, we all agreed with Rosario Dawson in Clerks II when she said sometimes it’s OK to go ass to mouth, but this probably isn’t one of those times. And really, is it even scientifically accurate? Do centipedes toss this much salad?

You’ll notice in the description this movie wasn’t half assed either, so to speak. This isn’t lazy ass to mouth sewing, the doctor apparently removes teeth and molds buttocks to properly facilitate the ass-to-mouth surgery. Read that again to fully appreciate what is likely going to reign as the most ridiculous sentence ever published on this website for ages. That means time on screen is devoted to letting you, the audience, know that the doctor is reshaping an ass so that a face can fit in it. And then sewing the face to the ass.

It’s hard to judge a movie without seeing it, however if the trailer for the movie involves people whose mouths are sewn to other people’s asses you can probably make some plausible guesses about what kind of movie you’re about to see. It’s like judging a book by its cover. If the cover is blank, sky blue paper, maybe you need to open it up and at least read a chapter. If the cover says “A Hobo’s Guide to Salting Beef in Your Own Underpants” then you can make a judgment call.