Mom Finds Long Lost Son; Allegedly Bangs Him Like a Screen Door

The internet is a wicked awesome tool.  You can use it to find porn.  Less publicized uses includ reading online comedy, buying shit you don’t need, learning stuff and tracking down long lost relatives.  Like say you gave up a child for adoption way back in the day and then you want to find them again, the internet could maybe help you do that.  And say you find your long lost kid and you’re all like “Hey son, been a while.  Want to fuck?” you could totally do that too.  But just to clarify, you shouldn’t do that because it’s all kinds of not normal.  Like all kinds.

Anyway, the story goes that Aimee Louise Sword, who’s pretty hot for a mom and alleged sex offender, gave up a kid for adoption back in the day and we’ll assume you read the opening paragraph and deduced where this story is going.  She maintains her innocence and people who know her say there’s no way it happened as apparently he regularly makes a pint of letting others know she has no intention to fuck any long lost children.  If you share the same feelings, it’s best not to introduce yourself to others using that statement.  Star with something like “Hi, I’m Gary” and then move into something about your work, maybe.  Then tell people you would never fuck your long lost children.  If it’s a casual affair and you want to break the ice, perhaps you could mention to your new friend that, even if you wouldn’t fuck your own long lost kids, maybe you’d fuck their long lost kids.  Then ask if they have kids, long lost or otherwise.  This would also be a primo time to adjust your crotch.

So maybe she banged her son and maybe she didn’t, but it’s not the end of the world.  It could have been way worse.  How much worse?  Glad you asked, let’s do a point form list.

- she could have killed her son, and then banged him.

- she could have taken her son to see Mamma Mia, and then banged him.

- she could have told her son she never loved him, and then banged him.

-she could have watched 2 Girls 1 Cup with him, and then banged him

-she could have confessed that she gave him up for adoption in order to pursue her dream and finding and marrying Tom Cruise, which has consumed her for these past years, and then banged him

-she could have fisted his ass while she banged him.

When you think about it, even if this story is true, there’s nearly an infinite number of ways it could have been worse, providing that somewhere in the mix she still fucked him.  Because really, that’s like a cherry on top of the fucked up sundae.